IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think adults should give children freedom to make mistakes.Others think adults should prevent children from making mistakes.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that making
mistakes
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 is more common in learning anything, whether for study or work.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that gives
kids
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 an opportunity to make
mistakes
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, there is
also
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 an argument that prevents children from making
mistakes
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, others reckon mature humans should give
kids
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 the freedom to make
mistakes
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 for several reasons.
In other words
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, if every child makes
mistakes
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 , they will grow up faster and understand quickly the processes of life.
In addition
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,
kids
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 are forced to difficult challenges , so we must teach them how to modify their
mistakes
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 and take it as a lesson.
For example
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, if we make
mistakes
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 and
then
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 succeed, our children will imitate us as role models and
that is
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 a significant thing to learn
Mistakes
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 give you a chance to provide your best vision yourself.
On the other hand
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, plenty of people are preventing children from making
mistakes
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due to
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 their high expectations and dreams. It is
also
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 possible to say that parents have an unknown fear of making their
kids
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 fault because they have an obsession with perfection and that can be a psychological illness.
Moreover
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, any child can make a mistake and
that is
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 normal because it is their habit.
For instance
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, occasionally individuals do not bear any
mistakes
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 from their
kids
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 ,
consequently
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, they are not used to teaching them how to make a little mistake is fine. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question, On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that making a mistake is very typical especially for
kids
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 because they are curious about everything and
that is
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 a beneficial way to teach them how to convert these
mistakes
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 into special value.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the main points you plan to discuss. A clearer thesis statement would help set the stage for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, aim for a clearer summary of your arguments. Restating your main points succinctly can solidify your opinion.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your viewpoints. This will enhance the depth of your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid overly complex sentence structures that could lead to errors. Clear and concise language will help convey your message more effectively.
task achievement
You effectively introduce both sides of the argument, which provides a balanced view on the topic. This approach is a strong point in your writing.
task achievement
Your active engagement with the topic is commendable, showing a willingness to explore the nuances of the debate.
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