Although parents are responsible for raising a child, outside influence plays a key role in their development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Despite the fact that parents are mostly responsible for bringing up their offspring, there is a debate that outside influence is more
affective
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effective
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in turns of character development of a child. I do not support
this
Linking Words
view, owing to the fact that parental influence is more dominant compared to
person’s
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a person’s
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surrounding
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surroundings
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. First and foremost, mom and dad from the first day of birth of their kid start to put the primary foundation. Children
inherite
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inherit
inherited
certain parts of both parents’s personalities and predispositions . Later, parental figures raise character in a kid to make him or her behave the way they want to through teaching them habits and supporting them with their own
behavior
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behaviour
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.
For instance
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, parents who have already reached the point of success in a particular direction , usually persuade their offspring to develop in the sphere where they can acquire better qualifications and results.
Hence
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, kids continue a career that their
mom
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moms
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and dads started before.
This
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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to
existence
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the existence
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of generations of particular professions in families. It is irrefutable that society and
child’s
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a child’s
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surrounding
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surroundings
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have a huge effect on the
personality
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and quality development of a person. The country, nationality and social
surrounding
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surroundings
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build a
personality
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, especially at the period of them being teenagers. Children of
this
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age usually act
basing
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based
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on the
behavior
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behaviour
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of their friends and mostly try to fit in the companies they are in.
However
Linking Words
, there are no sufficient results to say that
general
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the general
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surrounding
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surroundings
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of a kid
outdo
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outdoes
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parental responsibilities and merits.
Furthermore
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, relatives provide financial aid, and the importance of it in
the
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apply
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personality
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and professional growth can not be denied,
due to
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the fact that success without investments today is impossible to reach. In conclusion, outside influence is vital in general
personality
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growth, yet parental support directly influences
on
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apply
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the life decisions and future
qualification
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qualifications
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of a child, which
make
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makes
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them more powerful in turns of creating a new mature person.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clearer connection between ideas in your paragraphs to enhance logical flow. Consider using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
Expand on your thesis statement to clearly outline your main points. This helps in guiding the reader on what to expect in your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This could strengthen your argument about parental influence vs. outside influences.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion and maintain it throughout the essay. Your stance is well defined, which is crucial for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument and draws attention to the issue at hand. A solid introduction is important for engaging the reader.
task response
You acknowledge counterarguments regarding the influence of society, demonstrating critical thinking and awareness of the issue.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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