IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

All over the world, villagers begin to settle down in
cities
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, populations in the urban areas are still increasing. In my opinion, I think
this
Linking Words
 is a negative phenomenon which can lead to resource shortages and social contradictions and
also
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 affect the lives of
their
Change the word
the
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 next generation. One serious problem that can arise from the increasing demand for social
resources
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 is that it can lead to a lack of social
resources
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. Before the
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
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, farmers worked on land and ensured that vegetables and fruits were continuously produced.
However
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, with the development of science and technology, more and more young generation from rural areas are choosing to migrate to
cities
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 with the aim of making a living. So
the
Correct article usage
apply
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agricultural products have been continuously declining and the shortages of urban supply have led to a rapid rise in prices, which has
further
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 aggravated social inequality.
As a result
Linking Words
, it's not only harmful to modern agriculture development but
also
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 breaks the social
population
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 balance. Another issue is that the sharp increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 the urban
population
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 may lead to the intensification of social contradictions.
In other words
Linking Words
, limited social
resources
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 cannot meet individuals' needs, so it will cause conflict among people.
For instance
Linking Words
, with the acceleration of the urbanization process, a large number of
rural
Add an article
the rural
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population
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 has moved into the city. In terms of employment, a large number of low-skill workers are facing unemployment pressure and even some of them may lose their jobs or reduce
sources
Correct pronoun usage
their sources
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 of income. In terms of public services, education
resources
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 are in short supply, which makes
a
Correct pronoun usage
it a
show examples
huge challenge for the children of rural areas to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
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 in schools.
Furthermore
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, the large-scale migration of
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
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population
Use synonyms
 has brought various pressures and contradictions to
cities
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.
To sum up
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, I once again reaffirm my position that the migration of rural
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population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 to
cities
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 will bring several adverse impacts on
cities
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 and intensify social problems.

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task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your main points. For instance, mention specific cities or case studies of social inequality or resource shortages related to urbanization.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your ideas. Use more cohesive devices to connect paragraphs and ideas, making transitions smoother.
task achievement
Elaborate further on the negative impacts on future generations, as this was mentioned but not fully explored. This can demonstrate a deeper understanding of the long-term effects.
task achievement
The essay clearly states a position on the topic, indicating that it views urban migration as a negative development.
task achievement
Two significant issues regarding resource shortages and social contradictions are presented, showing an understanding of the broader implications of urban migration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Amenities
  • Economic prospects
  • Overcrowding
  • Traffic congestion
  • Pollution
  • Agricultural abandonment
  • Cultural diversity
  • Innovation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Family ties
  • Infrastructure
  • Public services
  • Sustainable urban planning
  • Rural revitalization
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