IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Since in the present time, advances in technology are more affordable, whether
people
Use synonyms
 should have distance learning and working or not is a controversial issue.
While
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 I accept that there are some drawbacks to having a remote career, I believe that its pros outweigh the disadvantages of
this
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 phenomenon. On one hand, working from home brings some detrimental effects to both companies, the workers and learners.
Firstly
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, there are many features that can disrupt our workflow and reduce
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 productivity
such
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 as family members' activities, housework,...
Moreover
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, since gaining access to the internet is an integral part of remote work, the
white-collar
Correct your spelling
white collar
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 can be disfocus by social networking sites.
Secondly
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, the virtual classroom will disrupt the opportunities of developing
social
Correct article usage
the social
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 skills of youngsters. Indeed, interacting with friends through the screen prevents the children from improving
the
Change the word
their
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 skills of teamwork, empathy or conflict resolution.
For instance
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, online classes could not create a
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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 interactive atmosphere, which is the main obstacle for them to assimilate the knowledge and develop the skills for social interactions.
On the other hand
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, it is advantageous that nowadays
people
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 can acquire experience from a distance.
Initially
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, the online educational and working system allows
people
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 to change their working environment.
In addition
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, Altering the environment boosts creativity
as well as
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 job satisfaction which are vital features when the young generation finds Job opportunities.
Furthermore
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, remote work and study provide
people
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Add the preposition
with a
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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flexible working hours and equal opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
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 making money for all
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
For example
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, working mothers can earn a living by working from home
while
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 taking care of their children, which creates a stable income for many young families in Vietnam at the moment. In Conclusion, it is certainly true that remote work and study have some cons on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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productivity, but it is by no means that the online working system provides
people
Use synonyms
 extra chances to claim more knowledge and income,

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task achievement
Although your essay presents a clear argument, some points could be elaborated further to strengthen your overall response. You could provide more specific examples or data to support your claims about productivity and social skills development.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraph transitions are smooth, allowing readers to connect the ideas more easily. For instance, using more linking phrases can enhance the flow between the drawbacks and advantages of remote work and study.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences contain minor inaccuracies and grammatical errors which could be refined for better clarity. For example, consider rephrasing 'the white-collar can be disfocus' to 'white-collar workers can be distracted'.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the main issue and presents both sides of the argument, setting a clear stage for your discussion.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of remote work and study, which demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
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