IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that every human being con create the art (e.9.paining), others think only the people born with the ability can create art. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some
people
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 believe that
,
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 to create
art
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 individuals should have a special ability, others say that, only talented
people
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 may create
art
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.
However
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, I personally believe that
,
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talent plays a second role in the human ability to create. On the one hand, there were situations, when talent was a gift by the DNA.
That is
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 to say, it is scientifically proven that
,
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 many famous persons’ children were born with similar talents like paintings or singing, which made their adaptation easier to
such
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art
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. As a good example, the humankind’s history,
people
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 witnessed countless times, when, the DNA of family members played a significant role in shaping
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
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 cognitive thinking or imagination.
Consequently
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, If the infant’s mother or father has the capability it may conveyed to them too.
On the other hand
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, 1
percent
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per cent
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 of talent and 99
percent
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per cent
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 of work.
In other words
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, the human may not create something attractive without attempts or mistakes and many personalities who gained fame just tried it a thousand times. Given that, only knowledge and dedication lead to perfection when an individual creates
art
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.
Furthermore
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, many
people
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 see the end of created sculpture or painting, but how about many afford and work were devoted to that job?
people
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 cannot imagine. In my opinion, if
the
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a
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 man wants to reach their goal, they need to spend half their day respectively.
To conclude
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,
although
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,
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human biology plays a crucial role in answering
to
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that question, I am personally sure that, skills
such
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 as creating
art
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 for young
people
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 might be achieved through years of training and education and in order to achieve success, they have to work on it
Add an article
a
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long time.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, but it could be improved by more clearly stating the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Try summarizing the main arguments in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistency in your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph clearly links back to the main point you are making about art and talent. Consider using clear topic sentences.
task achievement
While you included some examples, they could be more specific and relevant to support your arguments better. Elaborating on the examples you provided would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
In a couple of instances, there are minor grammatical errors. Try to proofread your writing for punctuation and sentence structure to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic which is essential for effective argumentation. Your belief that skills can be developed through practice is well articulated.
coherence and cohesion
You structured your essay into paragraphs which helps in organizing your thoughts. This is a positive aspect for readability and coherence.
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