In current society, many people are struggling with obesity.

It is true that nowadays, a significant number of individuals are facing problems related to fatness. There are many reasons why

this

Linking Words

is the case and I believe that it has detrimental effects on

people

Use synonyms

. There are two primary reasons why

obesity

Use synonyms

rates impact on youngsters.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the consumption of fast

food

Use synonyms

is increasing worldwide. It may be extremely bad for health. As it can

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

cause

people

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to pile on extra weight.

This

Linking Words

is to say, consuming a lot of processed foods can increase the risk of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

obesity

Use synonyms

rates. For example, a study conducted in the city of Jeddah has shown that current junk

food

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habits are linked to the rise in overweight and

obesity

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among adolescents in Saudi Arabia.

Secondly

Linking Words

, today youngsters spend more time watching television than at any point in the past.

Correct your spelling

show examples

lack

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of physical activity may be

serious

Add an article

a serious

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problem because of increased screen time. A salient example of

this

Linking Words

is China the pressure to excel academically forces students to focus on studies rather than sports, reducing their

overall

Linking Words

physical movement.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, the

lack

Use synonyms

of physical activity among adults has become a growing concern in many countries.

Linking Words

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

show examples

this

Linking Words

development has two adverse effects on young

people

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Initially

Linking Words

, eating much more junk

food

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may increase the danger of weight-related medical issues including heart disease, cancer and diabetes and it may be

challenge

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a challenge

show examples

in the city or country at even peak hours.

For instance

Linking Words

, in

fast-paced

Add an article

a fast-paced

the fast-paced

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world, more than 70% of

people

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with these diseases

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

overweight and

Use synonyms

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, one of the factors that cause fatness is a sedentary lifestyle because

Use synonyms

lack

Correct article usage

the lack

show examples

of essential nutrients

slow

Wrong verb form

slows

show examples

metabolism, causing fat accumulation. Take an example,

according to

Linking Words

the WHO, the global

obesity

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rate has tripled since 1975, with unhealthy dietary habits being a key factor. In conclusion, the consumption of fast

food

Use synonyms

and the

lack

Use synonyms

of physical activity are the primary reasons why

this

Linking Words

happens and I believe that it has various effects on

people

Use synonyms

samandarabdusattarov16Mon May 05 2025

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task achievement

Improve the clarity of your ideas and ensure each point is fully developed. For example, you could elaborate more on how fast food specifically affects health.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to link your paragraphs more effectively by using cohesive devices to guide the reader through your arguments. Consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph for smoother flow.

task achievement

Strengthen your examples by including more specific data or statistics where possible. This will enhance the relevance and impact of your examples.

task achievement

You have identified key reasons contributing to obesity and provided relevant examples to support your ideas, which is commendable.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction effectively states the main issues, and your conclusion summarizes the points well, showing a good overall structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

332 words

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In current society, many people are struggling with obesity.

Your opinion

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Government should regulate the level of violence in films in the television and in cinema. Some think they should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The popularity of fast food is increasing, especially among younger people. What are the cause for this trend? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that what individuals do to protect cannot make difference, others say that individuals can protect environment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.