some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.
There is a great deal of debate on whether it is beneficial to study non-academic
subjects
along with
major courses. Although
some people believe it is essential to focus merely on their major qualifications, I support the view of studying other subjects
.
On the on
hand, proponents of studying for a qualification only believe it is significantly important to focus on one thing at a time. Correct your spelling
one
This
is because time and effort is
required to be able to excel in academic performance, and if other Change the verb form
are
subjects
that are irrelevant to their degree is
learned it can negatively impact them. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Furthermore
, Supporters of this
view highlight, that when individuals focus on their academic goals, it appears to be that they are more likely to get positions in companies, and industries that will highly appreciate their value. Consequently
, this
would lead to higher wages and a good standard of living.
In contrast
, opponents of this
view argue that it is crucial to learn minor courses as it helps increase knowledge in different fields and positively affect the life of an individual. For instance
, learning subjects
such
as painting, while
studying biology as a major course at the university can help and
individual gain experience in Art. Correct your spelling
an
In addition
, they also
cite that it can has
a positive impact on their state of mind, Wrong verb form
have
this
means that it helps reduce the stress and anxiety that Correct pronoun usage
which
are
may Unnecessary verb
apply
rise
from major courses.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
arise
although
it appears that spearing
all the time needed for a specific qualification is significant because of the benefit of earning a good job, it seems reasonable that the benefits Verb problem
spending
such
as gaining knowledge from different areas and self refection is
necessary.Change the verb form
are
Submitted by sara.elkhansa on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and addresses both perspectives effectively. However, there is room for improvement in logical structure. Try to focus more on organizing ideas into paragraphs with a clear main idea for each. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
There are some grammar and vocabulary inaccuracies that do not seriously impede communication but could be polished. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and word form. For example, 'On the on hand' should be 'On the one hand,' and 'it can has' should be 'it can have'.
coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay further, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Making use of linking phrases such as 'Moreover' and 'In addition' appropriately can help your essay flow better. This would improve coherence and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present your main idea and summarize the argument effectively.
relevant specific examples
Your use of relevant examples like learning painting while studying biology effectively supports your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?