IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that to learn about other countries, they need to travel. Some say that it is not necessary to travel; we can have information through TV and internet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate regarding, few individuals believe that to study about the different nations we need to visit.
However
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, others argue that it is not compulsory
instead
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 of going there physically we can get knowledge through TV or the Internet. In
this
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 essay, I will be discussing both views
along with
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 my opinion.
To begin
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 with the foremost notion, nowadays travelling to different countries is becoming a trend, the vast majority of the masses always looking for an opportunity to visit some good places
such
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 as mountains, beaches etc just to educate themselves about nature. To explain, people who want to do research on new things
such
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 as medicines and health care research to help society are always travelling to some to other countries.
For example
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, a news article reported that in the university of the UK, 57 per cent of students are always flying to learn about the nature and the culture of others.
Hence
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,
this
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 gives them good information.
On the other hand
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, in the latter notion, few people argue that,
instead
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 of spending money and time we can have information online or small screen.
Also
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, they believe that the internet and TV are good sources to collect data.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in the United States in the year 2024 that 67% of citizens are able to get information through social media and they do not need to move themselves.
To conclude
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,
Although
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 the internet and TV can have all the details about the other kingdoms.
However
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, travelling there and experiencing other cultures and new atmospheres has its own value.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of your arguments by clearly linking your points. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly express your own opinion in the conclusion and ensure it aligns with the arguments presented in the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments, and ensure they are linked directly to the points you make.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well, reflecting an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of examples, although needing improvement, demonstrates an attempt to support your viewpoints.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Interactions
  • Tourism
  • Local economies
  • Cross-cultural understanding
  • Carbon emissions
  • Accessibility
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Authenticity
  • Reliability
  • Virtual reality
  • Immersive experiences
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