Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors in major sports competition such as Olympic Games and football World Cup etc. It is better to spend money encouraging children take up sports at a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

International sports events for some countries are important and need full financial support from the
government
. Is it worth doing that? Some people argue that spending
money
on preparing younger for international sport even just wasting
money
.
However
, I believe that the
government
should spend
money
on preparing athletes for international events starting when they are children, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will lead to more positive impacts for the future. The main reason the
government
should give more attention to the youngers is because they bring the country name. It is about the nation's pride. If these young children are well encouraged and they win the international competition, it brings the nation name.
For example
, the Indonesian
government
prepares young
badminton
athletes, supports them with good training
also
finances, and
then
they compete in an international competition, like the
badminton
World Cup, and win it.
Therefore
, it brings pride to the country. Looking to another reason for the
government
's support financially in sports preparations for the younger is because it brings economic effects for the country itself.
For example
, if Indonesia wins the international
badminton
competition, the other countries will send their younger
badminton
athletes to Indonesia to learn
badminton
. It moves the Indonesian economy since they will live and spend
money
in Indonesia.
Furthermore
, it
also
introduces Indonesian culture to other countries. In conclusion, supporting the younger generation in sports brings more benefits, not only in terms of pride but
also
in the economy.
Hence
, I strongly agree that the
government
should give more attention to the young in the future,
it
Correct word choice
as it
show examples
will bring more positive things for generations.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the task and provides relevant examples to support your points. To further enhance your essay, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and interestingly.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which is great for coherence. To improve cohesion, work on using a variety of linking words and phrases that seamlessly connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed the prompt, offering a clear position and substantiating it with relevant examples and arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your essay and summarizing your main points, which contributes to the overall coherence of your response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • grassroots level
  • uncover hidden talents
  • sustainable sporting culture
  • healthcare costs
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • elite sports
  • fosters
  • unhealthy competition
  • engagement
  • initiatives
  • cost-effective
  • broader impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: