Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their acheivements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern era, famous

people

Use synonyms

have become more known for their charm and money than for their

acheivements

Correct your spelling

achievements

, many

people

Use synonyms

argue that

this

Linking Words

phenomenon sets a bad model

Change preposition

for

show examples

teenagers

Use synonyms

and kids. In my opinion, I believe that new celebrities adversely affect young

people

Use synonyms

, as the new generation prioritizes looks over mindset and personality.

Moreover

Linking Words

, these famous

people

Use synonyms

made

unrealstic

Correct your spelling

unrealistic

beauty standards that put

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

heavy pressure on young

people

Use synonyms

. Nowadays, social media has a big impact on our lives and the way we think, and since it has started to focus on famous

people

Use synonyms

's looks and outfits more than their real

self

Fix the agreement mistake

selves

show examples

, it gives a

massage

Correct your spelling

message

show examples

to kids that" look is all that matters".

As a result

Linking Words

, younger

people

Use synonyms

have put

appearence

Correct your spelling

appearance

as their first priority in communication.

For instance

Linking Words

teenagers

Use synonyms

usually choose their peers based on their

appearence

Correct your spelling

appearance

and style even if they do not match their

personalties

Correct your spelling

personalities

show examples

or share something in common.

Therefore

Linking Words

, a lot of friendships do not

last

Linking Words

for long because they are superficial relationships which

was

Change the verb form

were

show examples

built on the wrong base. To support my

viwe

Correct your spelling

view

, many studies said that young

people

Use synonyms

's relationships are more erratic in general, compared to elderly

people

Use synonyms

. Another downside of

this

Linking Words

case is that

prominenet

Correct your spelling

prominent

individuals have become the new example of

beauity

Correct your spelling

beauty

, and social media has pictured them as a good role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

to copy.

Therefore

Linking Words

, modern unreal beauty standards were put.

Linking Words

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

these

stanards

Correct your spelling

standards

are impossible to reach and put a ;

Correct your spelling

lot

of stress

over

Change preposition

show examples

adolescents leading to

low-self esteem

Correct your spelling

low self-esteem

show examples

and eating disorders.

For example

Linking Words

, Bella Hadid is

considerd

Correct your spelling

considered

to have "the perfect body" even though she is

extremly

Correct your spelling

extremely

underweight;

conseqently

Correct your spelling

consequently

, many

teenagers

Use synonyms

undergo hard unhealthy diets in order to

lise

Correct your spelling

lose

weight and become skinny.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason, the conditions of ED (eating

disorder

Fix the agreement mistake

disorders

show examples

) among

teenagers

Use synonyms

have increased over the

last

Linking Words

years

Correct quantifier usage

few years

show examples

. In conclusion, I hold the

viwe

Correct your spelling

view

that making

people

Use synonyms

famous because of wealth and external appearance resulted in negative impacts on

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation. Because it leads to not arranging priorities correctly when making friends, as appearance takes precedence over more important factors.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it sets wrong standards

Change preposition

for

show examples

young

people

Use synonyms

, putting them through rough

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

to fit

Change preposition

into

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

barooemad608Mon May 05 2025

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Language

Be careful with spelling mistakes (e.g., 'acheivements' should be 'achievements', 'unrealstic' should be 'unrealistic', 'appearence' should be 'appearance'). This will help convey your ideas more clearly.

Coherence

Ensure that all your ideas are developed coherently. Consider providing linking phrases between your statements to improve flow.

Content

Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and sets the context for your argument, which is a strong start.

Support

You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the influence of social media on young people's perceptions of beauty.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

365 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

extravagant
lifestyle
showcase
professional accomplishments
material wealth
talent
hard work
social media platforms
philanthropy
misguided standard
personal development
educational institutions
role models
integrity
community service

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Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society .Because, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent you agree or disagree.

These days, people work in more than one job, and often change their career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages?