IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people nowadays don’t feel safe either when they are at home or go out. What are the reasons? What can we do to solve this problem?

Inflation impacts the cost of living
due to
Linking Words
 which
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 has increased, and
people
Use synonyms
 feel unsafe at home and outside. The reasons for
this
Linking Words
 issue can be illiteracy and discrimination
whereas
Linking Words
, the remedies for
this
Linking Words
 problem can be proper
education
Use synonyms
 and equity which will be discussed in detail in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence, the socio-economic growth of some countries is very less
due to
Linking Words
 which it is difficult to manage the rules and regulations of the country. The illiteracy
rate
Use synonyms
 is very high in developing and
under developing
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
show examples
 countries which results in
crime
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
. In Africa,
for example
Linking Words
, lack of
education
Use synonyms
 leads
criminal
Change preposition
to criminal
show examples
 offences and
people
Use synonyms
’s life is in danger. Another reason why
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 safe is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
discrimination among
people
Use synonyms
. In some countries,
people
Use synonyms
 are getting
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 their wealth,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 a problem among
people
Use synonyms
 richer
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 becoming
rich
Replace the word
richer
show examples
 and poorer
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 becoming poor.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 aspect will lead to riots among innocent
people
Use synonyms
, and it will impact their lives.
In contrast
Linking Words
, to provide safety to the
people
Use synonyms
 officials should regulate the law and order. Proper awareness and
education
Use synonyms
 are the key
aspect
Change the noun form
aspects
show examples
 which could reduce the
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in North America,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 is providing free
education
Use synonyms
 to children so that they will learn and stay away from criminal activities. Regardless of
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 and gender, officials should treat
people
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
equality and provide
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
 amount of job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, all these remedies will develop the quality of life and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to
holistic
Add an article
the holistic
show examples
 development of an individual. In conclusion, the funds of the government should be invested in the sectors where development must be needed and it will give the country a fruitful result and lower the
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
While your ideas are relevant, elaborating further with more specific examples could strengthen your arguments. Consider providing more contexts or statistics to support your claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, but it would benefit from improved transitions between points. Consider using linking phrases to enhance coherence.
Content
You have identified important issues related to safety, such as illiteracy and discrimination, which is commendable.
Structure
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your key points and suggests a way forward, which is a good practice in essay writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: