Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is a view that to avoid illness and disease, authorities should pay attention to reducing issues
such
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as environmental pollution and housing problems.
While
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some people support
this
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suggestion, I believe both government and individual efforts are essential. One reason why people should protect themselves is that they can verify the
air
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quality in their area.
This
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is because atmosphere infection affects everyone’s
health
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. It is a major threat to global
health
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and prosperity including, but not limited to chronic fatigue and headaches.
However
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, if citizens take certain precautions and check the
air
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quality regularly it will improve their well-being and lower the harmful effects of
air
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deterioration. When it comes to housing issues, it causes high
health
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risks associated with poor housing.
For example
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, inadequate living space and high indoor temperatures
,
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resulted in a wide range of
health
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conditions, including asthma and mental
health
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.
Consequently
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, now is the time for public
health
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to create healthier homes by confronting substandard housing. These arguments notwithstanding, local government can contribute to the prevention of illnesses and encouraging nature. It means that authorities have the power to implement policies that promote green buildings and lessen the number of cars, which can reduce
air
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corruption.
For instance
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, promoting walking, cycling, carpooling, and the use of public transport
to begin
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with. Another argument is that
,
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healthy homes promote good physical and mental
health
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. Good
health
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depends on having homes that are safe and free from physical hazards.
In contrast
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, poor quality and inadequate housing contribute to
health
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problems.
Thus
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, the government could avoid
such
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issues from being ill. In conclusion,
while
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governments play a key role in reducing pollution and improving housing, individuals can
also
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take steps to protect their
health
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.

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task achievement
Clarify your main argument by stating your position more explicitly early on in the introduction. Make it clear whether you fully agree, disagree, or hold a moderate view.
coherence and cohesion
Weave your ideas more smoothly with clearer linking phrases to improve the flow between your points. For example, use transition words like 'firstly', 'additionally', and 'finally' to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are fully explained and directly linked to your arguments to enhance the relevance and clarity.
content
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents both individual and government roles in health prevention.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical attempt to structure the essay with clear distinctions between different arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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