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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar graph demonstrates that the alteration of sea mammals between 2006 and 2018

The bar graph demonstrates that the alteration of sea mammals between 2006 and 2018/ Looking at the
overall
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 structure, it is readily apparent that the percentage of
dolphins
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 rose significantly over the period. In these years, the ratio of whales remained more or less the same. It can be observed that the proportion of
seals
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 fluctuated in the ultimate period. In 2006, the population of
dolphins
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 accounted for 18%, in comparison with 24% for whales and 42% for
seals
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. Over the four years, the percentage of
seals
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 plunged from 42% to 24%. After that time, it grew slightly to 44% in 2018. The proportion of whales in
this
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 graph amounted to 24% in 2006 and increased by in 2010, before dropping to 21% in 2014. Looking at the bar graph in more detail, the range of
dolphins
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 almost tripled from 2006 to 2018. If we look more carefully between 2014 and 2018, it can be observed that there was twice
time
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 growth in
dolphins
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.
Finally
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, it is
also
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 noticeable that
seals
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 and
dolphins
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 reversed their position
at the end
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 of 2018 compared to 2006.

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task achievement
The introduction could provide a clearer overview of the trends presented in the graph, focusing on the key changes rather than simply stating what the graph shows.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your vocabulary to describe changes; for example, instead of repeating 'percentage' or 'proportion', you could use synonyms or phrases like 'share' or 'fraction'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure you clearly describe each trend in relation to the given time frame; some sentences are a bit unclear regarding specific years and percentages, which may confuse the reader.
task achievement
You provide a logical summary of the overall trends, particularly with the noticeable increase in the dolphin population.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of comparative phrases like 'in comparison with' and 'unlike' indicates an understanding of how to compare data, which is crucial for a good analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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