IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that famous people can help international aid organisations to draw attention to important problems. Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People
Use synonyms
 tend to argue whether celebrities are the ones who should be the face of certain organisations or not, to spotlight the issues in the world. In my opinion,
That is
Linking Words
 a good use of their platform since they have a large audience base. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views. There are several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 think that public figures who have an entertainment background like, Football players and musicians shouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 engage with serious global problems.
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 poverty, food and water insecurity and climate change. First, Most of them live a lavish lifestyle and don'
t
Use synonyms
 really understand what
people
Use synonyms
 who are affected by these problems really feel. And that could come out
inconsiderate
Change preposition
as inconsiderate
show examples
.
Second,
Linking Words
some think that celebrities only participate in these types of events to gain more fans and connections and don'
t
Use synonyms
 really care to solve the actual issue. Even though celebrities don'
t
Use synonyms
 come off as educated enough on these matters. but they are public figures with a large fan base whom they admire and see as role models. So when a celebrity focuses light on a worldwide problem
that is
Linking Words
 a good usage of his or her fame. Because they.have a voice that can be heard by millions of
people
Use synonyms
 who can help and raise the level of awareness in the communities that something could be done.
For instance
Linking Words
, Donations، volunteering or even sharing knowledge To summarize, Both views are valid but to actually solve the world's issues,
people
Use synonyms
 must acknowledge the problem. And that could be done by public figures who can reach and share solutions
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the rest of the world.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas to provide greater depth and clarity in your arguments. Ensure that you consistently provide examples to support your points.
coherence
Ensure that your paragraphs are cohesive and logically structured. You may want to use linking phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation, particularly in the structure of your sentences. Some minor errors affected the readability of your essay.
content
You present a clear opinion on the topic and outline both perspectives effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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