Some people believe that technology has made our lives more convenient, while others argue that it has caused more harm than good. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction is quite unclear, and it needs to state a clear thesis or main argument that outlines the views you will discuss. Make sure to clarify what you mean by the terms used.
coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain a logical structure throughout your essay with clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a specific point related to your argument. This will improve readability.
task achievement
Develop your points with more detailed examples or explanations. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
language
There are several spelling and grammatical errors in your essay (e.g., 'provid' instead of 'provide', 'nicesr' instead of 'nicer'). Consider proofreading your work for accuracy.
task achievement
It is great that you have attempted to present a view on childcare and the role of parents.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
In recent years, it has become much more common for the proportion of older people in many countries to increase. Many people believe that there are significant benefits to this trend, while others argue that there are also drawbacks associated with ageing population. Although there are downsides to this trend, this essay argues that the advantages are stronger.
Some people believe that music is a better way to connect people all around the world. Some bands have a lot of popularity and their songs have an emotional connection with the people.Therefore,I completely agree that because of music people can come together and create a fanbase for their favourite singer.
Exploring space helps to gain knowledge of the other planets and also this helps to bring a new chapter or subject to schools for students. Government spend money looking for life on other planets and some people think it is a waste of public money. We need to give our opinion on this topic.
It is widely advocated by many that encouraging citizens to reside in urban regions instead of outskirts and rural ones is the most reliable solution towards the issues of transport and traffic. The writer of this essay, however, remains unconvinced by this school of thought due to the overpopulation in cities along with the improvement in infrastructure systems in local zones.