IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

In today’s contemporary world,
science
Use synonyms
 has transformed every aspect of modern life. There are many aims of
science
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as to foresee drastic improvement in a country’s technology development, to have the world’s best space exploration or even for economic benefits.
While
Linking Words
 some people think that the primary goal of
science
Use synonyms
 should be to enhance
people’s
Use synonyms
lives
Use synonyms
, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons for my agreement with the statement. One compelling reason for my stance is that
science
Use synonyms
 improves
lives
Use synonyms
 in many difficult areas, particularly the health sector. There has been a rapid and profound advancement in technology in the medical sector all around the globe.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, experts have developed advanced methods to cure diseases using
science
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many medical institutes in Europe have invented better ways to detect cancer and medication to prevent heart diseases.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in a hospital in the US, doctors have come up with an improved method of surgery which saved at least five patients’
lives
Use synonyms
 from brain tumours.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
science
Use synonyms
 saves
people’s
Use synonyms
lives
Use synonyms
 and it is important to make it the primary aim.
In addition
Linking Words
, I
further
Linking Words
 support the aim of
science
Use synonyms
 to upgrade
people’s
Use synonyms
lives
Use synonyms
 as we can see that the young generation is becoming more and more equipped with the knowledge of
science
Use synonyms
 through education and they are utilising
science
Use synonyms
 in their daily
lives
Use synonyms
 from the food they eat to clothes they wear. To be more precise, having general knowledge of
science
Use synonyms
 learned in schools has equipped them with problem-solving skills and has developed cognitive abilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, by learning about food
science
Use synonyms
, children know what types of nutrients are necessary for the body and the detrimental effects of not having a balanced diet in their meals, thereby helping them to make rational decisions in choosing what to eat to stay healthy.
Thus
Linking Words
,
science
Use synonyms
 should definitely be aimed to enhance
people’s
Use synonyms
lives
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is an undeniable fact that the main goal of
science
Use synonyms
 is to improve
people’s
Use synonyms
lives
Use synonyms
 because
science
Use synonyms
 helps to save
lives
Use synonyms
 and educate people about
overall
Linking Words
 well-being and I totally agree with that. It is vital to take the necessary steps to continue embracing
science
Use synonyms
 through education and other methods for the advancement of society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it. This will improve the flow of your argument.
Task Achievement
Use more variety in your examples to show deeper understanding of the topic. This can enhance your argument's strength.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the essay well. This helps the reader to understand your viewpoint quickly.
Task Achievement
You provided good specific examples that illustrate your points, especially in the health sector. This adds credibility to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: