IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowada celebrities earn more money than politicians.what are the reasons for this ?Is it a positive or negative development ?

Nowadays
celebrities
Use synonyms
 and
politicians
Use synonyms
 are doing hard work in their respective fields but
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is
one
Use synonyms
 reality
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
show examples
 that stars are earning more money
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 the people who
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 for the Nation.Which
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a positive impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the government. Which I am going to explain very briefly in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs. First and most things ,How
Use synonyms
celebrities
Add a missing verb
do celebrities
show examples
 earn more income? The answer
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 question is social media and journalist who
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 them popular by covering each and every footage of their work .
Besides
Linking Words
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hard
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 for hours and hours to achieve success in each field
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
artist
for Example
Linking Words
 -
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
show examples
 practice
one
Use synonyms
 song
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
thousands
Add the preposition
thousands of
show examples
 times to give
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 best and collect appreciation from
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 ,
Bollywood
Correct word choice
and Bollywood
show examples
 Actors or Actresses
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
practice
one
Use synonyms
 scene for
a days
Correct the article-noun agreement
days
a day
show examples
 to make their movies in a top level. I would like to define
one
Use synonyms
 more
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
 of
celebrities
Use synonyms
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 they entertained us in our difficult
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.As we all
remembered
Wrong verb form
remember
show examples
Covid
Correct your spelling
COVID
show examples
 and
lockdown
Correct article usage
the lockdown
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those days
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to watch all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of entertainment movies ,shows,series and many more on
Televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
Television
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, all the
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
does not
Verb problem
do
show examples
 care for their health to entertain us in hard
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
,
by
Change preposition
so
show examples
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 people can stay home safely.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 we cannot deny the hard work of
politicians
Use synonyms
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 always working on
our
Change the word
a
show examples
 better future.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
 media and journalism try to
covers
Wrong verb form
cover
show examples
 only
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 side of
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 workers they just try to show
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 image to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 which is not at all fair .Reporters never want to show what our government is really doing for the
cetizens
Correct your spelling
citizens
,
Therefore
Linking Words
 our government get criticised by the public.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I believe that
celebrities
Use synonyms
 should earn more money
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
politicians
Use synonyms
,Just because to give more income tax which
is ultimately helps
Change the verb form
ultimately helps
show examples
 Our governments to run
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper technology
as well as
Linking Words
 they can provide good
equipment's
Change noun form
equipment
show examples
 to the soldiers to fight with
worriars
Correct your spelling
warriors
worriers
worries
. In conclusion ,there is a strongly positive impact that
celebrities
Use synonyms
 earn more Money
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
politicians
Use synonyms
 which is
also
Linking Words
 getting
helped
Replace the word
help
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other sources.

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task achievement
Revise your introduction to clearly state both sides of the argument (why celebrities earn more and whether this is a positive or negative development).
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay. Consider using clear paragraphing for each reason to enhance clarity and flow.
task achievement
Support your points with additional examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments and make them more comprehensive.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples of how celebrities contribute to public life, particularly during challenging times like the COVID-19 pandemic.
task achievement
You attempt to address both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexities of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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