IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph shows the audiences of
radio
Use synonyms
 and
television
Use synonyms
 in the UK, during the period from October to December
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1992. The vertical axis indicates the percentage of the population,
while
Linking Words
 the horizontal axis indicates the hours of day or night. As regards
television
Use synonyms
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who watch it between 6am and noon
don’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn’t
show examples
 exceed
one
Use synonyms
 in ten,
then
Linking Words
 dramatically
rise
Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
show examples
 and
hit
Wrong verb form
hits
show examples
 a peak of
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
8.pm with over
two fifths
Add a hyphen
two-fifths
show examples
 of spectators.
This
Linking Words
 percentage remains unchanged for almost
one
Use synonyms
 hour,
then
Linking Words
 near midnight the number of spectators
fall
Change the verb form
falls
show examples
 drastically to less than
one
Use synonyms
 in twenty
people
Use synonyms
 watching
television
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
television
Use synonyms
, the graph of the
radio
Use synonyms
 is different, because the audience of the
radio
Use synonyms
 is more active during the early morning
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when
hit
Wrong verb form
hits
show examples
 a peak of between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m. with almost
Use synonyms
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
listening
Add the preposition
listening to
show examples
 the
radio
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
listening
Add the preposition
listening to
show examples
 the
radio
Use synonyms
 gradually fell and hit a low of at 2 a.m. with less than
one
Use synonyms
 in twenty of the audience. It is probably true to say that
radio
Use synonyms
 listeners listen to the
radio
Use synonyms
 during the early morning because it’s the moment when they go to work or school,
instead
Linking Words
 of most
television
Use synonyms
 spectators that watch tv in the evening
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 it’s the time after work or school when
people
Use synonyms
 get dinner and they watch tv programs to relax.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words radio, television, people, one with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "indicates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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