IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important? Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that authorities usually spend more budget on wildlife services,
while
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 there are more important other societal issues.
This
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 essay totally agrees with
this
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 statement because supporting human needs is essential
as well as
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 other life aspects
such
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 as
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
. It must be acknowledged that citizens needed much more subsidization in the
last
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 decades, especially after the COVID-19 attack a few years ago. The crises during the quarantine era generated an enormous loss of jobs, employees were unable to maintain a sustainable income,
in other
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words
Add the comma(s)
words,
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companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
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 closures led to low salaries , and people were no longer able to purchase goods to feed their families.
For example
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, a study conducted at KFU illustrated that 60% of employees had lost their jobs in 2020 and a rise in unemployment arrow was presented.
Thus
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, cities must address critical societal issues, rather than animal conservation.
Moreover
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, Another part
that is
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 more significant than allocating expenditures on natural habitats is the
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 sectors. The fact that Coronavirus affected
health
Use synonyms
 must be integral, resources must be allocated toward
health
Use synonyms
 benefits.
Furthermore
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, the government must foster the community with a solid educational system,
education
Use synonyms
 is the key element for development that stimulates the economy.
For instance
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, several low-income families are not able to provide their children with proper school supplies and government subsidies should be comprehensive to them. The financial investment in the next generation will provide countries with a powerful infrastructure for a better future. In conclusion, though governments tend to spend their major share of resources to protect wildlife,
this
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 essay established convincingly that prioritising public funds for helping people gain the necessary
education
Use synonyms
 and financial security is much more rewarding in the long run.

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task achievement
The introduction effectively presents your stance, but consider rephrasing for clarity. For example, instead of 'authorities usually spend more budget...', you could say 'governments often allocate significant funding...'. This refinement can enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
In the second point, ensure to link ideas more explicitly. For example, transition phrases could strengthen the connection between the importance of health resources and education. Try to create smoother transitions between sentences to improve overall flow.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, providing additional specific statistics or studies could bolster your arguments further. Aim to include one more robust example in each main point to strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a clear argument throughout, and you successfully structure your ideas in a logical progression, which supports the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant arguments regarding health and education, which are critical societal issues. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively supports your contention.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • safeguard
  • natural habitats
  • foster
  • cultural of conservation
  • long-term ecological sustainability
  • economic benefits
  • significant source of revenue
  • investment
  • nation’s economic wealth
  • preservation of ecosystems
  • clean water and air
  • prioritization
  • multi-faceted government budgets
  • environmental protection
  • wildlife conservation
  • neglecting
  • detrimental effects
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