IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarcric. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourits who visit such places?

It has been noticed that, nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
 love to visit places like the Sahara Desert or Antarctica, despite having extreme weather conditions.
This
Linking Words
 statement has its own rewards and detriments. Both the merits
as well as
Linking Words
 the demerits are elaborated in upcoming paragraphs. One of the major advantages of visiting
such
Linking Words
 places is getting an opportunity to encounter
people
Use synonyms
 of that region and they will teach how to live in
such
Linking Words
 harsh conditions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, travellers can explore the untouched natural beauty, caves, wildlife and many other things. It will give completely different experiences to travellers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, local communities may benefit from increasing tourism.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several demerits too.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, an individual has to face severe weather conditions
such
Linking Words
 as extreme heat in the Sahara Desert and unbelievable cold in Antarctica, which they are not comfortable with.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are limited sources of natural resources for
people
Use synonyms
 to live.
For instance
Linking Words
,
initially
Linking Words
, there will be a shortage of food and water, and it will be very difficult to find a place to live
due to
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 having to pay unreasonable amounts for
such
Linking Words
 amenities. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 travelling to remote places like the Sahara Desert or Antarctica offers a once-in-a-lifetime experience and a chance to learn about a unique environment, it
also
Linking Words
 comes with significant risks.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 tourism should be carefully managed in
such
Linking Words
 a way, which ensures both visitor's safety and the protection of
this
Linking Words
 fragile ecosystem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, consider elaborating more specifically on the aspects of tourism that will be explored, to provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
The points are clear and relevant, but providing more specific examples (such as famous attractions in these areas) would strengthen your argument and provide greater clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, but ensure that the relationships between ideas within paragraphs are explicitly stated to enhance logical progression (e.g., using transition words).
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes well, but consider reiterating the key points discussed in your essay for added emphasis, which reinforces your argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies both the benefits and disadvantages of visiting difficult places, showing a balanced perspective on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction is engaging and outlines the topic well, providing natural entry into the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: