IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that young people should go to University to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as all builders et cetera to serve society discuss both views and give your own opinion

In today's increasingly competitive world, the role of universities and corporate companies in shaping the future professionals is widely acknowledged. A debate exists over young students going for higher education or
encouraged
Add a missing verb
being encouraged
show examples
 towards
work
Use synonyms
 life to be supportive
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are merits to
both
Use synonyms
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspectives
, I believe a balanced approach that values
both
Use synonyms
 academic excellence and
work
Use synonyms
 experience to grow
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 of
society
Use synonyms
. On one hand, pursuing for higher degree motivates learners to focus towards
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
 field of education and contribute meaningfully
on
Change preposition
to
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 research.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it could benefit youngsters with deep understanding and higher opportunities in their desired fields.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 approach inspires secondary school students to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 goals with
inovative
Correct your spelling
innovative
 ideas. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, as a working professional students can have experience in many different fields
while
Linking Words
 supporting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 in economic
prospect
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prospects
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a fresher employee is treated as a useful resource in multinational companies. These companies
trains
Change the verb form
train
show examples
 them about different technologies ,
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 for certifications and
then
Linking Words
 give them
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 for a client which benefits
both
Use synonyms
 the company and the learner. Which eventually results in increasing the GDP of the country. In my opinion, a new
passout
Correct your spelling
passport
 bachelor should first gain some
work
Use synonyms
 experience, explore the
work
Use synonyms
 culture, find out the field which
intrests
Correct your spelling
interests
 them and
then
Linking Words
 pursue higher studies in that field with new ideas and
learning
Correct article usage
a learning
show examples
 spirit. In conclusion,
both
Use synonyms
 scenarios provide
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future for youngsters and growth for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement for clarity and specificity about your stance on education and work. This will help focus your response more sharply on the discussion at hand.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the logical flow of the essay. This will enhance the overall coherence of your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. While you mentioned that employees can be treated as useful resources, offering a particular instance or case can strengthen your points.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
The structure of your essay is clear, with an identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good for coherence and cohesion.
Your conclusion summarizes your perspective well and reinforces the idea of balance between education and work.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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