IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that school children should be made to wear a uniform. Others feel that children should be free to choose their own clothes. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of school uniforms.

There is debate among people that there should be a rule to wear a specific
unifrom
Correct your spelling
uniform
 in schools,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think there is no restriction on wearing formal
clothes
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons of
school
Use synonyms
dress
Use synonyms
 in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with the benefits of
school
Use synonyms
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
, it
is consider
Change the verb form
is considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a crucial part of
school
Use synonyms
 because that shows every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 is equal in the comparison of rich and poor, which will decrease the discrimination among them.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
uniforms
Use synonyms
 can be a source of advertisement. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 every
school
Use synonyms
 has
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 or design
Use synonyms
dress
Change preposition
of dress
show examples
 that describes
uniqueness
Add an article
the uniqueness
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 and people can easily find whose
school
Use synonyms
's
dress
Use synonyms
 is that.
Also
Linking Words
, that
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the sense of excitement among children to wear
school
Use synonyms
 uniform and it is cost-effective wearing
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
dress
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, there is no need to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 new
clothes
Use synonyms
 as
comapre
Correct your spelling
compared
compare
 to those who have their own
clothes
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are some drawbacks of
uniforms
Use synonyms
, first and foremost
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
students will
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 interest
wearing
Change preposition
in wearing
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
clothes
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. If they get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to wear casual
clothes
Use synonyms
 that will make them enthusiastic
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 going
Use synonyms
school
Fix the infinitive
to school
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there is most of
chance
Add an article
the chance
show examples
 for these
uniforms
Use synonyms
 to get dirty
due to
Linking Words
 wearing on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 authorities should provide different
uniforms
Use synonyms
 for some days where infants can get time to wash their dirty
clothes
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 many advantages and disadvantages of wearing
school
Use synonyms
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
, but there should be some space for children to
wearing
Wrong verb form
wear
show examples
 different
clothes
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 different weekdays.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but consider rephrasing it for clarity and to make it more engaging. Try to briefly mention both views to set up the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use transition words to improve the flow of your ideas. For example, ‘Furthermore’ or ‘In addition’ can better connect your points.
Task Achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and make your points clearer and more compelling.
Task Achievement
You addressed both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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