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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In
this
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 day and age, devices
such
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 as computers and smartphones can be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 to have meetings and reunions with other
people
Use synonyms
. A large number of individuals think that
technology
Use synonyms
 can connect
people
Use synonyms
 and
this
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 could be a good function for the internet. Despite
this
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 idea, other
people
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 believe that modern
technology
Use synonyms
 is a negative statement because society
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 taking distance. In my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society must learn how to use
this
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 and it could have a positive impact even in the education field. On the one hand, the
technology
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 two principal positive effects on the society.
Firstly
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,
laptos
Correct your spelling
laptops
laptop
 and the internet can connect
people
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 who are living in other countries or cities with their parents or families.
For instance
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,
at
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the pandemic
time
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time,
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 a lot of
people
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 had familiar meetings and for
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they used
plataforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
such
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 as
google meet
Correct your spelling
Google Meet
show examples
 or
skype
Capitalize word
Skype
show examples
, so,
this
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 action changed our way of
interaction
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interacting
show examples
 with others.
Secondly
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, with
the
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apply
show examples
modern
technology
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, specifically with some apps, individuals could know
people
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of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 other countries and learn about other cultures.
For example
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, in
Chile
Add a comma
Chile,
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 the
percetange
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
citizen
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citizens
show examples
 who have been using
this
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 app
in
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on
show examples
 their phones
are
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is
show examples
 increasing because they want to know new
people
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 and they want to improve their
lenguage
Correct your spelling
language
 skills.
On the other hand
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, children could have different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with these new technologies. Nowadays, a lot of young
people
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prefere
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to play online games
instead
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talking
Change preposition
of talking
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 to real humans and
this
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 could
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a negative impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
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 new generation. If they
don
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 not develop their social skills in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life, in the future these
people
Use synonyms
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 not find jobs or real friends to spend time
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
However
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, parents must teach their sons to share and make real friends. In conclusion, computers,
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 and
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 have a positive impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our communication these days. Now we can talk and share with
people
Use synonyms
 from other countries or friends who are living abroad.

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language accuracy
Ensure that grammar and vocabulary are used accurately throughout the essay. For example, 'usefull' should be 'useful' and 'laptos' should be 'laptops'.
relevance
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, especially in the second viewpoint.
cohesion
Organize your thoughts more clearly in each paragraph, ensuring that each point flows logically into the next to enhance coherence.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion in your introduction, showing your stance on the issue.
task achievement
The use of examples related to modern technology, like Google Meet and language learning apps, is appropriate and relevant to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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