IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Innovation is often driven by the pursuit of profit and economic growth. However, some argue that it should prioritize addressing social and environmental issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. Beka

Some claim that advancement in the world is
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 by
pursuit
Add an article
the pursuit
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 and economic development.
While
Linking Words
 others say that the advancement in the world can
dealing
Change the verb form
deal
be dealing
show examples
 with society and environmental problems.
Although
Linking Words
 humanity gives attention to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 , to live
safe
Add an article
a safe
show examples
 life. I believe that the main purpose is earning
money
Use synonyms
, to
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in convenient
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
. Most
companies
Use synonyms
 in the world devote a lot of time to
charity
Use synonyms
 and environmental protection. There are even separate nature conservation
companies
Use synonyms
 that exist thanks to people's donations, and many large
companies
Use synonyms
 create subsidiaries that are engaged in
charity
Use synonyms
. They create animal reserves, install filters in their factories,
use
Correct word choice
and use
show examples
 recyclable materials.
For example
Linking Words
, the company "Herbalife"
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
creates healthy food products and sports nutrition. They have subsidiaries that are engaged in
charity
Use synonyms
 and help wild animals on the verge of extinction. Buying them food, bringing them to reserves. But still, it is necessary to understand that
companies
Use synonyms
 primarily work for their own benefit. They are
initially
Linking Words
 created in order to earn more
money
Use synonyms
, but
this
Linking Words
 is not bad, because it directly proportionally affects the country's economy and employment. And many people work only for their own benefit, in order to earn more
money
Use synonyms
. Even if
companies
Use synonyms
 are engaged in
charity
Use synonyms
, they do it for general approval and to advertise their company and goods.
For example
Linking Words
, I have an uncle who is engaged in business and he launched a
charity
Use synonyms
 company in honor of May 9. Thanks to
this
Linking Words
charity
Use synonyms
, he collected many new customers. In conclusion, despite the fact that human beings depend on environmental safety, I recon that innovation is created to earn extra
money
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on the clarity of your ideas and ensure that all points are fully developed and supported with examples. Some areas could benefit from more explanation or elaboration.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the overall organization of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your argument flows logically from one point to the next.
task achievement
You've included relevant examples to support your points, which is commendable!

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: