IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Is it important to take risks for people in their professional lives and personal lives? Does advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Taking
risks
Use synonyms
 is frightening for sure, not everyone would be so brave to do so. Most of us prefer to keep going with
their
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 common
life
Use synonyms
 without changing something , nor taking
risks
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it is not how he should live, taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 is what makes our
life
Use synonyms
 exciting, it is the thing that decides how our
life
Use synonyms
 will turn,
what
Correct word choice
and what
show examples
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 happen
next,
Linking Words
yet,
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of
risk
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not always bright. First of all , let's
tolk
Correct your spelling
talk
 about the profits of taking
risks
Use synonyms
. In our
life
Use synonyms
,
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
 we do the same thing, work in the same place, talk with the same people
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. But, imagine, you work in a company, for 10
Correct your spelling
long years
show examples
long-years
Correct your spelling
long years
show examples
, every morning, from 8 to 6.
And one
Correct word choice
One
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 you meet a group of people,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 say to you, "I invite you to my journey for a week,
right
Use synonyms
 now you go with us,
spend
Correct word choice
and spend
show examples
 one week of your
life
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 in Hawaii for free! But you can not tell anyone!” What would you answer? Would you
risk
Use synonyms
 agreeing to his suggestion? Skip work for a week without warning your boss, risking
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 scolded or even worse fired?
For example
Linking Words
, you agreed,
right
Use synonyms
 at that moment you and him and other friends fly to Hawaii, try new food, new lifestyle,
new
Correct word choice
and new
show examples
 culture, feel amazing with your new friends and once you
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 back home you have
unforgetable
Correct your spelling
unforgettable
 memories, but the second
day
Use synonyms
 got scolded by your boss, was it worth it? What I want to say is that
risk
Use synonyms
 is something that can bring you back to
life
Use synonyms
, show you the
right
Use synonyms
 way, help you to get out of the issue,
forget
Correct word choice
and forget
show examples
 about your routine. Again,if we imagine that you are the doctor and your patient has a disease, suddenly the patient’s condition
worsen
Change the verb form
worsens
show examples
, you need to take a
risk
Use synonyms
 would you operate
him
Change preposition
on him
show examples
 even with the high chance of Failing? Of course, you will! You can not leave him there, in agony,
yau
Correct your spelling
you
 will
risk
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 and try to help him, save him!
Subsequently
Linking Words
, you saved the patient and healed him, it worthed the
risk
Use synonyms
, am I
right
Use synonyms
?
However
Linking Words
, it will not always end so happily. The
disatvantage
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
 of
risk
Use synonyms
 is that you may fail. You may lose every single thing you have.
For example
Linking Words
,
your
Correct word choice
if your
show examples
 company in the edge of
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
show examples
, if you
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not try to outline the problem you will lose it. So, you have a plan but it is too risky, you bring back your company or will be bankrupted. It is that kind of
risk
Use synonyms
 that makes you feel your heart in your throat.
How
Correct word choice
As
show examples
 I mentioned not everything
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a good ending. Taking the
risk
Use synonyms
 you make everything fall
orpart
Correct your spelling
apart
or part
 even faster. Your
risk
Use synonyms
 made you fail Do the benefits of
visk
Correct your spelling
risk
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the
dounsides
Correct your spelling
downsides
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 I am not sure.
Risk
Use synonyms
 is something in between, fifty-fifty thing, Iin and Yang. Taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 will have consequences
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end,no matter what, good or bad. Taking
risks
Use synonyms
 may lead you to to success, may help you win the lottery or the opposite lose your money
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, fail in your dreams, business,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. You can take
risks
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, in every aspect, in every situation or way without even noticing.
Risk
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 necessary thing in our
life
Use synonyms
 and in my opinion advantages of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 are a tiny bit more, just because there is no
life
Use synonyms
 without
risking
Replace the word
risk
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider structuring your essay with clear paragraphs that separate different ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument to enhance clarity and understanding.
task achievement
Make sure to provide a more defined and concise introduction that outlines your main argument and structure. Likewise, a clear conclusion that summarizes your points would strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and vary your sentence structures to improve the sophistication of your writing. This will enhance the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
You provided relatable examples that illustrate the concept of risk in both personal and professional contexts, which helps to engage the reader.
task achievement
Your essay reflects a genuine perspective on the importance of risk in life, showcasing a thoughtful approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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