Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Competition
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at work, at school, and in daily
life
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is a good thing for some people and not good for others. In
this
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essay, I would like to evaluate
this
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situation. In my opinion, the
competition
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at work, at school and in daily
life
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is a good thing to some extent. Actually, we would examine the basics of
capitalism
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and communism. People still can not decide which one is better and more beneficial for a happy and satisfying
life
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in the
world
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. More
competition
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can contribute to development, and production at work, school, and in daily
life
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.
Thus
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, we focus on doing better every time.
However
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,
this
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cause
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causes
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of stressful. Today,
capitalism
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creates a competitive atmosphere and plays a crucial role in the quality
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life
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of life
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, and
this
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situation brings along inequality and wars.
This
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is not a good thing for people.
However
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,
this
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competitive
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competition
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has a positive impact on the development
to
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of
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technology and science.
For instance
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, if
capitalism
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did not exist,
this
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competitive atmosphere would not exist and we would not use luxury cars and live in a smart home but if
capitalism
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did not exist, we would not need these luxury items. We absolutely should take into consideration
this
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point.
On the other hand
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, if the
World
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had a communist system,
this
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competitive and stressful
life
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would not exist. Maybe everyone would be equal and happy.
However
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, we would not discover new planets and would not use smartphones and computers.
Moreover
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, humanity wouldn't develop or would develop very slowly.
Finally
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, what is our purpose in
this
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world
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? The
answer
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to
this
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has a significant impact on how we live our lives. If the
answer
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is “development”,
then
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we should choose the competitive.
However
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, if the
answer
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is happiness, we should choose a
world
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without
competition
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. If the
answer
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is both, we must keep the
competition
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with limitations for our own sake.
Thus
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, we can improve and be happy in
this
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world
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. In my opinion, an environment where
competition
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is limited would be perfect

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task achievement
While you present both views, ensure to provide more balanced arguments. Expanding on both sides equally will strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While you have a thesis statement, consider making it more specific to guide the reader on your perspective more clearly from the start.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of both competition and cooperation, providing a thoughtful perspective on the topic.
task achievement
You effectively connect the concept of competition to the broader discussion of capitalism and communism, showing depth in your analysis.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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