IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Now a days people are admiring media and sports stars even though they don’t set a good example. Do you think it is positive or negative development.

There is no denying the fact that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people have in their life
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good examples to be like them.
While
Linking Words
 it is a
commonly
Change the word
common
show examples
belife
Correct your spelling
believed
belief
 that a media or sports star is a bad choice as admiring him, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
 I consider that had positively
develppment
Correct your spelling
development
due to
Linking Words
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
celabrites
Correct your spelling
celebrities
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good examples
such
Linking Words
 as Mohammed Saad
due to
Linking Words
 numerous reasons he is polite ,
teachs induvuals
Correct your spelling
teaches individuals
 for free and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 poor
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
.
To begin
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 with,
taught
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
media stars had huge
benifical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to
Correct article usage
the comunity
show examples
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
.
in other words
Linking Words
, it is easy for the star to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
millions of people in seconds
due to
Linking Words
 his
pouplirty
Correct your spelling
popularity
. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, Mohammed Saad
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 more than 36
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 followers
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both Instgram and Youtube
whcih
Correct your spelling
which
 are most of our
chilfdren
Correct your spelling
children
 in Saudi Arabia
followed
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
 him and I believe he is a good example for children .
For example
Linking Words
 , in 2022 during corona
Correct your spelling
pandemic
pandamic
Add a comma
pandamic,
show examples
 he traveled and published many videos about helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
families
 in South Africa and encouraged
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better induvualds by
help
Change the verb form
helping
show examples
 others. Another Point to consider, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stars
such
Linking Words
 as Cristiano Ronaldo
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a unique
mentility
Correct your spelling
mentality
. it is possible to say that he`s considered as
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 1 as the richest star
accourding
Correct your spelling
according
 to
NWQ
Correct article usage
the NWQ
show examples
 website but he still trains every day and
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
 the new generation to be hard workers and follow their dreams.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Cristiano Ronaldo every
months
Change to a singular noun
month
show examples
 he
donite
Correct your spelling
donate
 to help
diffrenet
Correct your spelling
different
 families around the world . In conclusion , Despite people having
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 views, I believe that some stars had a
postitve
Correct your spelling
positive
 development
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
 community and generation and we should support them and
showed
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 that we are
greatful
Correct your spelling
grateful
 for what they did in the
previpus
Correct your spelling
previous
 years .

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language
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling and grammatical errors. For instance, ensure 'opinion' and 'development' are spelled correctly.
content
Expand on your ideas with more explanation and examples. While you have mentioned some good points, elaborating on them can strengthen your argument.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your overall argument. It is important that each point is developed distinctly and logically.
content
You provided relevant examples of media stars, particularly Mohammed Saad and Cristiano Ronaldo, to support your argument, which enhances your essay's credibility.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • admiration
  • influence
  • celebrity culture
  • endorsement
  • controversy
  • normalization
  • self-esteem
  • body image
  • mental health
  • consumer behavior
  • social norms
  • economic trends
  • cultural trends
  • privacy
  • ethical concerns
  • social responsibility
  • platform
  • obsession
  • public behavior
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