We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some
people
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believe that we should only pay attention to our society and country
,
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apply
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because we are not able to help everyone across the globe. I
cempletely
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completely
disagree with
this
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view
due to
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two main reasons, which will be outlined in
this
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essay.
Firstly
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, it might be true that we are not able to help all the individuals in the
world
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, But we can help
to
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apply
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the
greate
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greatest
number of them. Nowadays, the development of technology,
internet
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the internet
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, and social media has allowed individuals to share their problems across the the
world
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.
Therfore
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Therefore
,
everyone
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every one
show examples
can simply help them by a click on their phone.
For instance
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, in my country,
people
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with rare diseases are usually struggling with high treatment costs. Usually, they provide their costs through the donation of
people
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across the
world
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. So,
people
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can help each other regardless of their distance thanks to
the
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apply
show examples
technology.
Secondly
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, ignoring issues in other countries might
worst
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worsen
show examples
the situation and even lead to expansion of problems into our country. Some regional problems might not be solvable without the contribution of other nations.
The
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A
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true example of
this
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can be seen in the war between
ukrain
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Ukraine
and
russia
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Russia
show examples
. If the European countries do not support the
ukrain
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Ukraine
, there is no doubt that they would be the next target of
Russa
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Russia
show examples
.
Therefore
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, being careless about what
happen
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happens
show examples
to the other communities might face us with the same problem. In conclusion, it has been argued that helping everyone in the
world
Use synonyms
is unsustainable and we should only take care of our society and nation. I disagree with
this
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idea because of
discussed
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the discussed
show examples
reasons.

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task achievement
Ensure that you provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic, focusing on both sides of the argument if applicable. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of your essay, making it easier for readers to follow your argument. This will help with coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You have presented clear arguments in support of your opinion, including personal examples, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the situation with rare diseases, adds credibility to your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global interconnectivity
  • international cooperation
  • ethics
  • moral obligation
  • geographical borders
  • diplomatic relations
  • economic stability
  • global security
  • resource allocation
  • expertise
  • international aid
  • dependency and development
  • sustainable solutions
  • local and global initiatives
  • community resilience
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