IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? Discuss one or more of these reasons. Use specific examples and details to support your answer.

Some people think that others have jobs just for their paychecks. In
this
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 essay,
firstly
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, the other
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 to have a career will be enumerated.
Secondly
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, the main reasons to have a
work
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 will be analysed.
And
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Finally
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finally
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, examples that support
this
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 reality,
as well as
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 a suitable conclusion will be provided. Even though
,
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apply
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 the principal reason to
work
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 is to earn money
,
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apply
show examples
 because we live in a society that can only exist if the goods and
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
 that are consumed are paid
, there
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for, there
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 are many other motives to go out and look for activities that
provides
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provide
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 a deposit by the end of the month. The two main motivations are
:
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apply
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 personal growth, and,
finally
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, to have a better
life
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.
First,
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when someone gets involved in a good
work
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 environment they realise how big the world is and how much
do
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apply
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they need to learn to be essential there.
Consequently
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, the workers start to look up
for
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to
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 their superiors and they try to be like them, giving the best of
them
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themselves
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, by learning and trying to avoid mistakes.
Second,
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putting salaries aside,
work
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 is the only place
when
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where
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 someone can be actively aiming for a better
life
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. Job
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 can be the place to meet the right people to move from one place in your
life
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 to a nicer one and to get to have the right coworkers can be a
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life changing
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life-changing
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 situation.
Furthermore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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coworkers can help to get better chances in other jobs, can give recommendations to other people and can be partners in other
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work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
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 adventures. In conclusion, the salary is the
greater
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greatest
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 reason to have a job, but, as we saw in
this
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 essay, it is not the only one. There are many others
,
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apply
show examples
 because by being part of the working force of a city, the society is running as it should be.

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Task Achievement
Try to refine your thesis statement in the introduction to more clearly state the specific reasons you will discuss. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your main points are clearly separated and developed in distinct paragraphs. This can enhance the clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning a specific career where personal growth is a significant factor will add depth to your argument.
Content
The essay effectively highlights the importance of reasons beyond salary for working, which presents a balanced view of the topic.
Cohesion
Your use of transition words, such as 'first' and 'second', enhances the flow of your essay and helps in guiding the reader through your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intrinsic Motivation
  • Social Connections
  • Professional Growth
  • Societal Contribution
  • Work-Life Balance
  • Job Satisfaction
  • Networking Opportunities
  • Community Impact
  • Skill Enhancement
  • Routine and Stability
What to do next:
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