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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think it cab be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work

The topic of whether
children
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 should engage in paid
work
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 is a subject of ongoing debate.
While
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 some believe it fosters independence and responsibility, others argue that it can be detrimental to a
child’s
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development
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 and well-being. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of
children
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 engaging in paid
work
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. One of the primary advantages of
children
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 doing paid
work
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 is the
development
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 of a strong
work
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 ethic. When
children
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 take on jobs, even simple ones like delivering newspapers or helping in a family business, they learn the value of money and the effort required to earn it.
This
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 can teach financial responsibility at an early age and help them appreciate the importance of budgeting and saving.
Additionally
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, early
work
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 experience can boost confidence and communication skills, preparing them for future employment. Paid
work
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 can
also
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 offer
children
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 a sense of independence and maturity. Earning their own money allows
children
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 to make decisions and manage small responsibilities, which can positively impact their self-esteem.
Moreover
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, it provides an opportunity to explore interests and career options early, which might help them make more informed decisions about their future education or professional paths.
However
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, there are significant disadvantages to consider.
Firstly
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, paid
work
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 can interfere with a
child’s
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 education. Balancing school and
work
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 may lead to fatigue, reduced academic performance, or even increased dropout rates in extreme cases. The time spent working could
otherwise
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 be used for studying, extracurricular activities, or rest — all essential for a
child’s
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development
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.
Secondly
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, child
labor
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labour
show examples
 can expose
children
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 to unsafe environments or exploitation, especially if there are no proper
labor
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labour
show examples
 laws in place. In some cases,
children
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 may be forced to
work
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 long hours for very low pay, depriving them of their rights to a safe and balanced childhood. Even when the job appears harmless, it can sometimes place undue stress on a
child’s
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 mental health. In conclusion,
while
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 there are some clear benefits to
children
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 engaging in paid
work
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,
such
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 as gaining responsibility and life skills, the potential risks — especially those related to education and well-being — should not be overlooked. Ideally, any paid
work
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 undertaken by
children
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 should be light, age-appropriate, and carefully balanced with their schooling and personal
development
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to further support your points and enhance your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use linking words effectively to improve the flow of ideas between your sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument with well-defined advantages and disadvantages, demonstrating good critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure and organization of the essay are strong, making it easy to follow the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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