IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that research on family history is a useful thing to do, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Although
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obtaning
Correct your spelling
obtaining
 information about the origins of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
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 is a really essential action for some
people
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, others consider
this
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 irrelevant.
This
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 essay states that the research can help us not only be more aware of important individuals who are probably our relatives but
also
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 gain a lot of details about family,
whereas
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 resources may be
inavailable
Correct your spelling
unavailable
available
, and the work is time-consuming.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 are interested in researching
of
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apply
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their past times
due to
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strong
Correct article usage
the strong
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 relationships they can build or paramount persons that can be discovered.
In other words
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, finding that an essential person is their relative assists
to create
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in creating
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 ties.
For instance
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, one student from MIT decided to search for all his history and found that he
has
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had
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 shared relatives with the math teacher
in
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at
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 his university. Another crucial aspect is to get data on illnesses which are inevitable
,
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apply
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 but can be prevented
with
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apply
show examples
throughout research.
That is
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, it can boost
awareness
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the awareness
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 of
people
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 and support them to be prepared for
future
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the future
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.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 reasons why some
people
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 might consider
this
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 process unnecessary.
Firstly
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, in many cases, reliable resources may not be available, especially if records have been lost
due to
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 war, natural disasters, or poor documentation in the past.
Secondly
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, the process of researching can be very time-consuming and expensive. In conclusion,
while
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 studying family origins can provide valuable insights into relationships and health risks, it may not always be worth the effort for everyone. In my opinion, it is a meaningful activity when done with clear goals and realistic expectations, but it should remain a personal choice rather than a necessity.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the main ideas but could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that more explicitly covers both sides of the argument and your opinion.
task achievement
Be more specific in supporting your main points with examples. For instance, while you give a personal example about the MIT student, adding more context about why this discovery was meaningful could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your transitions between paragraphs are clear, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument. Linking phrases like 'Moreover' or 'In contrast' would help improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion restates your opinion well but could be more definitive in summarizing the main arguments presented in the essay. This could help reinforce your position.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to illustrate points, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Clear paragraphing, which helps in organizing thoughts and aiding reader's understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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