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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below gives information on the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets.

The table below gives information on the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets.
The pie chart illustrates data on the percentage of
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
, protein and fat in three types of diets.
Overall
Linking Words
, Sports diets have a bigger portion of
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 than the other types,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of fat is the smallest.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the average and healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 have the same proportion of fat. Based on the data,
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 in a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 is four out of ten and it’s bigger than the average
diet
Use synonyms
 portion. Yet, the proportion of protein in an average
diet
Use synonyms
 is 10% higher than in a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the average and healthy diets have the same percentage of fat, both have a fifth of fat.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the sport
diet
Use synonyms
 has the biggest portion of
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
, it has six out of ten. Meanwhile, the protein in the sports
diet
Use synonyms
 is one-quarter and it’s become the lowest.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the fat proportion is lower than the average and healthy
diet
Use synonyms
, it’s only less than a fifth.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words carbohydrates, diet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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