IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You have recently been on a business trip to see some equipment that your company needs. Write a letter to the company that owns this equipment and say: • Describe the equipment • Ask for features and specifications of this equipment • Explain why your company needs this equipment

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my interest in buying visual field
machines
Use synonyms
 from your company for my clinic. I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 working as
Correct article usage
a Manger
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Manger
Correct your spelling
Manager
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in
Change preposition
at
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Toronto
Correct article usage
the Toronto
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 Retina Institute with an experienced Ophthalmologist
from
Change preposition
for
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Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 five years. I have been to many places to find out best
machines
Use synonyms
 and recently I went to Burlington Eye
clinic
Capitalize word
Clinic
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. I was fascinated with their electronic types of equipment. I was so surprised when they showed Zesis company's visual field
machines
Use synonyms
. Those
machines
Use synonyms
 were automatic and
are
Verb problem
made it
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 easy for patients to do eye exams in a short period of time. We want to purchase at least three
machines
Use synonyms
 as their price is very high.
Apart from
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this
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, I know some of their features like all work is automatic
as well as
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 they are fast-paced. More than 40% of clinics are using these products. I would be happy if you
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 tell me more about
this
Linking Words
 equipment. We are opening a new clinic branch in Mississauga within one month that's why we need three of them So It would be appreciable if I
will
Verb problem
could
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 get all the details about the
machines
Use synonyms
. After that, we will proceed to purchase them shortly. Hope to hear back soon Yours faithfully, Saijbir
kaur
Change the capitalization
Kaur
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coherence and cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect (e.g., equipment description, request for specifications, purpose of need). This can improve the logical flow of your letter.
task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your intention to purchase the equipment, which can help outline the purpose of your letter right from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for small grammar issues, such as 'Manger' should be 'Manager' and 'appreciable' may be better as 'appreciated' in the context used.
task achievement
You provided a clear explanation of your interest in the equipment and included relevant experiences that add credibility to your request.
task achievement
Your letter maintains a polite and formal tone throughout, which is suitable for a business context.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • • Specifications
  • • Utilize
  • • Capacity
  • • Efficiency
  • • State-of-the-art
  • • Functionality
  • • Technical details
  • • Productivity
  • • Upgrade
  • • Implementation
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