IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Question: Some people feel that public money should not be spent on cultural amenities, such as museums, theaters and art festivals. How important do you think these things are to society as a whole ? Are there any areas which are more important for the government to fund.

Many people think that the authority should not allocate taxpayer money to local cultural spaces
such
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 as museums, theatres and art festivals as there are more important sectors it could fund.
However
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, I'm inclined to think that it is necessary and will benefit society if the state invests in these cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
. Arts, cultural spaces and events play a critical role in preserving history and heritage, allowing future generations to learn from the past and fostering a sense of identity and belonging in communities. Participating in the arts and cultural scene
also
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foster
Correct subject-verb agreement
fosters
show examples
 creativity and innovation, which are essential for societal progress.
Enaging
Correct your spelling
Engaging
 in these activities can have positive psychological effects on individuals, promoting mental health and reducing social isolation. Investment in these areas can lead to economic benefits through tourism and the creative industries. Cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
 can promote social cohesion and inclusivity, bringing together people from diverse backgrounds and encouraging dialogue and understanding.
While
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 some may argue that basic needs like healthcare and education should take precedence, cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
 enrich lives and contribute to
overall
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 well-being, which can inherently lead to a healthier society. Art festivals and public performances can boost local economies, creating jobs and attracting visitors, which highlights the importance of funding cultural initiatives.
For example
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, during New Year's celebration, the Thai authority spent several hundred thousand on fireworks.
This
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 attracted plenty of visitors and media attention
thus
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, earning international goodwill as well. In conclusion,
while
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 it is understandable that some of the public might not want the government to spend money on cultural
amenities
Use synonyms
, it is actually crucial for society as a whole to do so.
This
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 is because these spaces are tied in with national education
as well as
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 tourism and will greatly benefit the country.

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Task Achievement
Your argument is well-structured, and your points are clearly articulated. However, make sure that each point is consistently expanded with sufficient detail and examples to further strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be careful with spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'Enaging' instead of 'Engaging.' Small errors can detract from the clarity of your writing.
Task Achievement
Consider providing a counterargument with a brief rebuttal. This would show a deeper level of critical thinking and adds balance to your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your use of transitions between paragraphs is effective. Keep up the good work in linking your ideas smoothly.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear and relevant argument about the importance of cultural amenities, making a strong case for public funding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction effectively introduces the topic and clearly outlines your position, while your conclusion concisely summarizes your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural amenities
  • museums
  • theaters
  • art festivals
  • public funding
  • heritage preservation
  • identity
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • economic benefits
  • tourism
  • social cohesion
  • inclusivity
  • dialogue
  • understanding
  • psychological effects
  • mental health
  • economic impact
  • community engagement
  • cultural initiatives
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