Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

In today's world,
music
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has
significant
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a significant
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role in refreshing and reducing the stress of
people
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.
Does
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Do
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intruments
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instruments
help gather individuals from all age groups? Some
people
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believe that
songs
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may lead to
a
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an
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unnufiying
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unifying
effect on
people
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.
However
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, I would argue that
music
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acts as a universal language for all generations. Nowadays, many applications
offers
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offer
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a wide range of
music
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genres that
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are accesible
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accesible
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accessible
for every
generations
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generation
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, from baby boomers to the alpha generation.
This
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is a good way to enhance knowledge about the development of
songs
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, not only to increase insight about
audios
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audio
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but
also
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to gain cultural exchange experiences.
For example
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, many individuals from different countries may access various genres of
music
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on applications,
such
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as YouTube and Spotify, which these easy to use.
As a result
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,
people
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could know more about others' languages, instruments, and cultural traditions. Another benefit is society could learn how to appreciate and respect other cultures, which would affect
people
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from different
backrounds
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backgrounds
to ufiying.
Furthermore
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,
cultural
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a cultural
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exchange may
a
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be a
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good way for singers and
music
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producers to establish more unique and creative
songs
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, which could enhance
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music
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the music
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industry globally. Despite these positive impacts,
songs
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might lead to drawbacks for the following reasons. In
this
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era, many audios
using
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use
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up beat
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upbeat
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songs
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and harsh words,
consequently
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for
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apply
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certain elderly may find modern
music
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too loud and hard to understand. Meanwhile,
for
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apply
show examples
young
people
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may see older
music
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as outdated.
In addition
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, certain
music
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style
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styles
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might not be understood in other cultures, which
this
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could
leading
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lead
be leading
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to
misinterpretaion
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misinterpretation
misinterpretations
, even conflict. In conclusion,
songs
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create more positive effects,
such
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as building good
manner
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manners
show examples
increasing
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and increasing
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knowledge through cultural exchange.
Although
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music
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could
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can
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bring misunderstanding and conflict,
it's
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it
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still
remain
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remains
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as
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a
show examples
universal language to
bringing
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brings
show examples
people
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from different backgrounds together.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of your ideas by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a coherent structure. Use linking words more effectively to enhance connectivity between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on certain points to provide more depth and clarity in your arguments, especially in the second body paragraph. Aim to articulate your ideas more comprehensively.
task achievement
You presented a clear stance on the topic and provided a good number of points in favor of music as a unifying force.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples of how music can facilitate cultural exchange and understanding, which strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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