IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people believe that
children
Use synonyms
 who grow up in
families
Use synonyms
 with limited financial resources are better prepared to face the difficulties of adult
life
Use synonyms
 than those raised in wealthy households.
While
Linking Words
 it is true that growing up in a poor family may teach certain
life
Use synonyms
 skills, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. In my view,
children
Use synonyms
 from wealthier
families
Use synonyms
 often receive better preparation for adult
life
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the advantages and opportunities they are provided. On one hand,
children
Use synonyms
 from low-income backgrounds often encounter difficult situations from an early age.
For instance
Linking Words
, they may witness their parents working long hours or struggling to pay bills.
As a result
Linking Words
, these
children
Use synonyms
 may become more independent and learn how to cope with stress or manage limited resources. In some cases, they might even take part-time jobs
while
Linking Words
 studying, which helps them build a strong work ethic and real-
life
Use synonyms
 experience. These qualities can be beneficial later in
life
Use synonyms
 when dealing with similar challenges.
However
Linking Words
, financial hardship
also
Linking Words
 has its drawbacks.
Children
Use synonyms
 in poor
families
Use synonyms
 may not have access to quality education or extracurricular activities. They might attend underfunded schools with fewer academic resources and
less-qualified
Correct your spelling
less qualified
show examples
 teachers.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they may miss out on opportunities
such
Linking Words
 as learning a second language, playing a musical instrument, or joining educational trips. These experiences, which are often available to wealthier
children
Use synonyms
, help to develop social, cognitive, and leadership skills.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, growing up in a financially stable environment can provide emotional security. Parents who are not constantly worried about money are more likely to spend quality time with their
children
Use synonyms
 and offer emotional support.
In contrast
Linking Words
, financial stress in poor
families
Use synonyms
 may lead to arguments, mental health issues, or even unstable home environments, which can negatively impact a child’s development. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 from less wealthy
families
Use synonyms
 may grow up with a strong sense of responsibility and resilience, I believe that the long-term benefits of a financially comfortable upbringing —
such
Linking Words
 as better education, wider
life
Use synonyms
 experiences, and emotional stability — mean that these
children
Use synonyms
 are generally better prepared for the demands of adult
life
Use synonyms
. Both backgrounds can offer valuable lessons, but wealth often opens more doors and provides a stronger foundation for success.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay could benefit from more nuanced argumentation, perhaps by acknowledging counterarguments in more detail. While you do mention the drawbacks of financial hardship, further development of this idea could strengthen your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure to enhance engagement. While the writing is clear, incorporating a mix of simple and complex sentences will improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to your thesis statement. This improvement can help clarify the main point of each paragraph and reinforce your argument.
content
Your introduction clearly states your position and nicely sets the stage for the discussion that follows. It lays a good foundation for your argument throughout the essay.
content
The examples you provided were relevant and clearly illustrated your points, contributing to the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: