IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that parents play
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
role
Use synonyms
to teach
Change preposition
in teaching
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to function as dependable
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other entrusts educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 the best place to play
this
Linking Words
role
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the latter opinion is beneficial in some cases, I believe that
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
also
Linking Words
 have
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 impact on
children
Use synonyms
’s mindset and environment which is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 element to develop them into prestige
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
School
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 can be considered
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 for
children
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 to hone their morals,
knowledge
Correct word choice
and knowledge
show examples
, and an opportunity to socialize with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
. With the different upbringing from each household under the constant surveillance and guidance from
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
, most
children
Use synonyms
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to develop good insight
of
Change preposition
into
show examples
 good citizens
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
 and determined to be one.
For example
Linking Words
, if I were to compare the
school
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
some place
Correct your spelling
someplace
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,
this
Linking Words
 can be considered as some
mock up
Add a hyphen
mock-up
show examples
 modules of real
society
Use synonyms
 with a
chances
Correct the article-noun agreement
chance
show examples
 to test right and wrong, with
supervisor
Correct article usage
a supervisor
show examples
 to correct the
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 wrongdoings.
However
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 is not the best option to
characterized
Wrong verb form
characterise
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 as good
role
Use synonyms
 models of
society
Use synonyms
. In Thailand, the class size of
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
30
Change preposition
of 30
show examples
 students per classroom
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not provide proper attention from one teacher to take
action
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 and supervise each
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
, and
thus
Linking Words
 sending
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 cannot be the best method to educate them into good
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
, I believe that parents play
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 significant
role
Use synonyms
 in educating
children
Use synonyms
 into good
Use synonyms
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. With
warm
Add an article
the warm
a warm
show examples
 and
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
 environment of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family members,
children
Use synonyms
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to become more
openminded
Correct your spelling
open-minded
show examples
 and have
close
Add an article
a close
show examples
 bonding with family members.
Thus
Linking Words
, parents can have
close
Correct article usage
a close
show examples
 lookup in the upbringing of their
children
Use synonyms
. With trends nowadays, each family tends to have one or two
children
Use synonyms
 at most, which provides more attention and bond to each
Use synonyms
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, just from
simple
Add an article
the simple
show examples
action
Use synonyms
 of telling a bedtime story
such
Linking Words
 as Robin
hood
Capitalize word
Hood
show examples
 or
Peppapig
Correct your spelling
Peppa pig
.
Children
Use synonyms
 can learn simple
Use synonyms
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 of sympathy, bravery,
kindness
Correct word choice
and kindness
show examples
 from
fictional
Add an article
a fictional
show examples
character
Fix the agreement mistake
characters
show examples
, and are likely to grow up as
a good citizens
Correct the article-noun agreement
good citizens
a good citizen
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 sending
children
Use synonyms
 to the educational institute can adjust their skills to be a part of
society
Use synonyms
, I have faith that the main core of their course of
action
Use synonyms
 would still rejuvenate from good upbringings of their household,
thus
Linking Words
 will have more impact on how they would behave as a great
member
Use synonyms
 in the
society
Use synonyms
 later in their lives.

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your thesis statement to clearly indicate which view you support and summarize your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Create clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow and coherence of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of transition phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the comparison to a bedtime story, which effectively illustrates your point about parental influence.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear personal opinion that guides the essay, which shows engagement with the topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is an essential requirement of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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