IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some argue that success in life is determind by where a person is born and how he or she grow up. Others believe that these factors have no effect on personal success. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Nowadays, many of them believe that
Use synonyms
success
Correct article usage
the success
show examples
 of
one
Use synonyms
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 depends on their place of birth
whereas
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
 part of society
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 that there are no connections between your personal
success
Use synonyms
 and place of birth.
This
Linking Words
 essay
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views with appropriate examples.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it has been noted that the person born
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 wealthier families are more likely to taste
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
Use synonyms
 in their early days of life than
the
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
born
in
Change preposition
into
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 poorer
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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.
However
Linking Words
,person born
in
Change preposition
into
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 rich families tends to get
good
Add an article
a good
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 education and are more likely to get
a good jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good job
good jobs
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 which
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
sustain their
finacial situaitons
Correct your spelling
financial situations
.Individuals born in mega cities usually get exposure to better
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 and updated technology which play a critical role in their
success
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,children born in urban cities have
high
Correct word choice
a higher
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chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
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 to participate at
international
Correct article usage
the international
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 level than
Use synonyms
one
Correct determiner usage
those
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 born in rural areas.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that ,it
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 been observed that individuals born in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Families have a
background
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 of doctors,engineers or any high profession foster the high
qualties
Correct your spelling
qualities
quality
 of work ethics and ambitions to overcome their dreams and
goals
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 .
Secondly
Linking Words
,if
one
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do
Change the verb form
does
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 not have a strong
background
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 or
born
Add a missing verb
was born
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in
Change preposition
into
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lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
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 family but
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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an
Change the article
the
show examples
 ability to
wok
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
 harder can achieve his/her targets without any external
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
.
Goals
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also
Linking Words
depends
Change the verb form
depend
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 on
one
Use synonyms
 mindset having a strong commitment to your
goals
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 is more important and
hence
Linking Words
 it can
be achieve
Change the verb form
be achieved
show examples
 with good discipline,
honestly
Replace the word
honesty
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 towards your
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
strong ethics .
For instance
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 ,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 president of India APJ Abdul
kalam
Capitalize word
Kalam
show examples
 was born
in
Change preposition
into
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poor
Add an article
a poor
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 family but his
passions
Fix the agreement mistake
passion
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 towards science has made him
scientist
Correct article usage
a scientist
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from
Change preposition
at
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 of the most reputed
university
Change to a plural noun
universities
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 India and later on the President of India in the year 2001.
Hence
Linking Words
,having a strong
background
Use synonyms
 can
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 person to some
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
 but he/she can't succeed without
Correct article usage
the abililty
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abililty
Correct your spelling
ability
 to put
an efforts
Correct the article-noun agreement
efforts
an effort
show examples
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 his tasks or personal
goals
Use synonyms
. In summary, I think coming from a weak family
background
Use synonyms
 can make personal growth take longer time but
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are more likely to develop a strong personality with
stronger
Correct article usage
a stronger
show examples
 mindset
due to
Linking Words
 challenges or obstacles they face during their journey to
success
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss. A strong thesis statement can help guide your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Using clear transitions between sentences and paragraphs can enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as these can distract from your ideas. Proofreading your work is essential.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your ideas, such as the example of APJ Abdul Kalam, which enhances your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views, showing an understanding of the topic and presenting a balanced discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic status
  • opportunities
  • character development
  • resilience
  • ambition
  • work ethic
  • cultural factors
  • education
  • personal choices
  • mindset
  • perseverance
  • goal-setting
  • adaptability
  • disadvantaged backgrounds
  • success stories
  • external circumstances
  • internal factors
What to do next:
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