IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

The large number of criminals
,
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apply
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 reoffend after the first sentence.
This
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 essay will examine the main causes of committing more crimes after initial punishment and possible solutions to
this
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 problem. The two primary reasons for the increase in crimes are lack of
rehabilitation
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 and poor supervision after release from prison. The prisoners are not given a chance to retain and rehabilitate or learn some new
skills
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 to make an income in society. Living in a prison allows them to engage with different offenders and enhances their ability to commit more crimes.
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, after leaving jail continue the process to earn money rather than being occupied.
For instance
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, well-rehabilitated people are doing their own business well and think
that is
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 a new chance to become a good person.
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, leaving the prison individuals may have an opportunity to stay free in society and tend to start criminal activity again with more plans. They will not supervise any other party, and gradually move back to their original position. Some possible solutions to
this
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 problem are to retain offenders for longer periods to allow them to have a better
rehabilitation
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 program, which can help them to improve existing
skills
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 and develop new
skills
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 to make a way to get a job. The other solution is an establish
a
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an
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 organization to support and observe their progress or any abilities to back to the same criminal life.
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, in some countries, they have a special authority to supervise prisoners after release from custody and
this
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 control reduces the reoffending rate.
Therefore
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, better supervision and
rehabilitation
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 are necessary to tackle
this
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 issue. In conclusion, after the first sentence offenders should have a better
rehabilitation
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 program with life
skills
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 and supervision in society are possible solutions to prevent the issue.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the specific issues that will be discussed. A more detailed introduction sets the stage for your argument and allows the reader to understand what to expect. Additionally, make sure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and reinforces the solutions proposed.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between your ideas by using more cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases. For example, clearer connections between your arguments can enhance the reader's understanding and improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your arguments. While you mentioned rehabilitation and supervision, elaborating on these points with real-world examples or statistics would strengthen your claims and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You clearly identified the problem of reoffending and proposed relevant solutions, which is a good demonstration of critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow the progression of your ideas.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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