IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Which opinion do you agree with? Discuss both options and give examples.

Recent decades have seen an increasingly growing trend towards adopting pets into families with children. Whether having a four-legged friend is bound to be more beneficial than potentially harmful has long been a widely debated topic in society. The aim of
this
Linking Words
 essay is to shed some light on both sides of the argument, before expressing my point of view. On the one hand, those considering pets as emotional support for kids have numerous advocates with their weighty/indisputable arguments.
According to
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 scientists, owning a devoted friend is most likely contributing to reducing loneliness and, by doing so, relieving tension. With teenagers frequently facing
with
Change preposition
apply
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emotional challenges as social exclusion, the importance of
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
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 net provided by pets hardly
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be
over emphasized
Add a hyphen
over-emphasized
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.

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task achievement
While the introduction outlines the aim of the essay, consider making your thesis statement more explicit by clearly stating your opinion. This will give the reader a clear understanding of your position from the start.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed. The second part of your argument seems to require more elaboration, as at present it feels slightly under-supported. Providing specific examples or research findings could enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with phrasing. The phrase 'frequently facing with emotional challenges' is slightly awkward; consider rephrasing to 'frequently facing emotional challenges'. This will improve clarity and flow.
coherence and cohesion
Although there is a logical structure, ensure that transitions between ideas are clearer to help guide the reader through your arguments. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help with this.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion and highlights the debate around pet ownership and children's welfare. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provide a relevant point regarding pets reducing loneliness, which effectively supports the argument for having pets. This type of evidence strengthens your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • companion
  • responsibility
  • care
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • social skills
  • transmit
  • diseases
  • allergies
  • safety risks
  • time
  • effort
  • money
  • mature
  • handle
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