IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The diagram below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparison where relevant.:

The diagram below give information on transport and car use in Edmonton. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparison where relevant.:
The above pie chart illustrates the percentage of people who
use
Use synonyms
 public
transportation
Use synonyms
 and private
cars
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the table shows the reasons for using private
cars
Use synonyms
 in Edmonton.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the majority of people in Edmonton prefer to
use
Use synonyms
 their own
cars
Use synonyms
 and LRT (Light Rail Transit),
whereas
Linking Words
 fewer people
use
Use synonyms
 buses and taxis. Among those who choose
cars
Use synonyms
 for their daily activities, most of them
use
Use synonyms
 them to commute to work, take children to school, and conduct their businesses.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of individuals who chose personal
cars
Use synonyms
 over other
transportation
Use synonyms
 options is 45%, 55% of them
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 type of
transportation
Use synonyms
 for their commute to work, 45%
use
Use synonyms
 it for their businesses, 40% for taking their children to school, and 15% for shopping and leisure activities. It is obvious that a noticeable percentage of residents in Edmonton choose LRT if they want to
use
Use synonyms
 public
transportation
Use synonyms
 (35%), but a smaller number of them prefer to
use
Use synonyms
 taxis and buses compared to
cars
Use synonyms
 and LRT.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words use, transportation, cars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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