IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the future, people many no longer be able to pay for things in shops using card all payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this well happen in one day Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

With the rise of advanced technology worldwide, people have started making most of their
payments
Use synonyms
 either online or by card, which has allowed many of them to avoid carrying
cash
Use synonyms
 for purchases.
However
Linking Words
, it has been noted that the younger generation makes most of their
payments
Use synonyms
 through cards or mobile banking.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there are many people who might be unhappy with
this
Linking Words
 shift because they are usually not familiar with the latest technology. Nowadays, most local shopkeepers prefer to receive
payments
Use synonyms
 online, as it allows their
payments
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 to be directly deposited into their bank accounts. Another advantage of online
payments
Use synonyms
 is that there is no need to withdraw
cash
Use synonyms
 every time you need to buy something, saving both time and effort. Mobile banking
also
Linking Words
 allows you to make
payments
Use synonyms
 in any currency anywhere in the world, which is a significant advantage when
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
For instance
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, when I was
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to the USA, I didn’t have US dollars, but with the help of mobile banking, I easily converted my Indian currency into US dollars.
However
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, there are individuals who believe there are drawbacks to using cards or online
payments
Use synonyms
. One of the biggest disadvantages is that these systems cannot be used in areas with no internet or network, making
cash
Use synonyms
 essential.
Furthermore
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, older generations often face difficulties when making online
payments
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, as these platforms are constantly upgrading, and research shows that learning new things at an older age can be challenging.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if your card gets stolen during your travels, there is a risk that all of your money in the bank could be stolen by fraudsters, and there is
also
Linking Words
 the possibility that your personal details could fall into the hands of the wrong person or authorities. In summary, both
cash
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 and digital
payments
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 have pros and cons, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 ultimately
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on the individual’s awareness when making transactions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I personally believe in carrying some
cash
Use synonyms
 when I go out to buy things.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and introduces the main points you will discuss. However, consider rephrasing the last sentence to make it flow better with the preceding statements. For example, instead of "there are many people who might be unhappy with this shift because they are usually not familiar with the latest technology," you could say, "However, this shift may not be embraced by everyone, particularly those who feel unaccustomed to new technology."
task achievement
You've made a good argument about the advantages of digital payments, but adding another example or two about how cash can be beneficial would enhance your analysis. For instance, you could mention how cash transactions can ensure privacy, which might be appealing to some individuals.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the key points effectively, but it might benefit from a slightly stronger closing statement. Instead of stating your personal belief, you could end by suggesting the importance of adaptable payment methods for a balanced future.
supporting details
You provided relevant examples and personal experiences that enhance the reader's understanding of your perspective.
structure
The organization of your essay is clear, allowing the reader to follow your arguments logically from one point to the next.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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