IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor pepople become poorer. What problems could this situation cause ? What are solutions to address thise problems?

It is true that the gap between the rich and the poor is growing wider in the world.
While
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 the problems that result are complex, fundamental solutions based on government and hiring departments should be adopted to tackle
this
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problem
Use synonyms
. It is a significant
problem
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 that organizations and businesses always focus on appearance and financial status when they hire
people
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.
This
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 leads to increasing unequal work opportunities between the poor and the rich. In
this
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 case, poor
people
Use synonyms
’s skills and abilities are overlooked by hiring departments. The provided solution is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 employers should adopt fair hiring practices and concentrate on their skills and abilities rather than their social or financial status and appearance. Society should promote tolerant
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
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 and treat everyone equally regardless of their economic status.
In addition
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, the government do not provide adequate financial support to low-income individuals.
As a result
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, poor
people
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 struggle to pay their bills and support their needs. A solution is offered to prevent
this
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problem
Use synonyms
 by providing financial aid, creating welfare programs and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
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 good-conditional
houses
Replace the word
housing
show examples
by
Change preposition
to
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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.
Conseqeuntly
Correct your spelling
Consequently
,
This
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 may lead to
balacing
Correct your spelling
balancing
 the gap between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages
Replace the word
disadvantaged
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 individuals and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthier
people
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.
This
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 will decrease the crime level in the world as well
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
low-income individuals
make
Verb problem
commit
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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crimes or rob
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich
people
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 to take money and provide themselves with
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 house, or eat something. In conclusion, dealing with the
problem
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 at its roots, by supporting financial aid and making more fair hiring processes would
be reduce
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
 the gap between wealthy and poor sectors of society.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your ideas, particularly in relation to the consequences of the wealth gap and the effectiveness of proposed solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between your ideas to enhance coherence and ensure that each paragraph clearly connects back to your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'behave' which should be 'behavior' and 'Conseqeuntly' which should be 'Consequently'.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant issues related to the gap between rich and poor, demonstrating an understanding of the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
You have clearly identified two main problems and their associated solutions, showing a structured approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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