IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that technological inventions have played a pivotal role in bringing individuals close to each other,
while
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 others claim that it has alienated the community.
Although
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, in spite of of some prospects provided by
this
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 invention,
overall
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 it has a detrimental effect on the social fabric of the country.
Therefore
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,
for
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this
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 reason, I agree with the latter viewpoint. Technological innovations allow
people
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 to have access to various tools like social media, emails and messaging apps.
This
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 is to say, not only through these instruments
people
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 can communicate effectively with each other, but
also
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 can share interesting information and ideas,
Moreover
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, these instruments are designed specifically for
users
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 who spend most of their time on these platforms.
For example
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,
according to
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 a survey published by Harvard University, there has been a massive spike in WhatsApp
users
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 since 2020 because of its user-friendly interface.
However
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, these prospects only represent a fraction of what individuals actually do on these apps.
Therefore
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. I believe that
,
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apply
show examples
 they do not show the actual picture of the problem.
Due to
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 the present increase in the use of these tools, many individual
users
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 are facing online bullying. These types of activities have destructive effects on the mental health of
people
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 using these sites.
Furthermore
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,
due to
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 the lack of proper cyber laws many
users
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 exploit these rules and, do illegal activities on these apps.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a report by Guardian Newspaper, WhatsApp has reported that almost more than 50 per cent of
users
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 have sent queries of scam calls and fake messages since
last
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 year. In conclusion, despite some of the benefits of technology in the IT sector, the overwhelming majority of
people
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 are concerned because of the increased illicit activities on these platforms.
Due to
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,
this
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 reason, I believe that technological tools have a harmful effect on society.

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task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, but the balance could be improved. Consider devoting equal attention to each viewpoint before clearly presenting your own opinion. This helps demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay that may disrupt the flow of reading. For instance, phrases like 'in spite of of some prospects' could be more accurately expressed as 'in spite of some benefits.' Proofreading for grammar and fluency would enhance the coherence of your ideas.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, but they could be more thoroughly explained to illustrate their significance better. For instance, when mentioning the survey by Harvard University, provide more context on how the increase in WhatsApp users relates to social connectivity.
task achievement
You have a clear thesis statement in the introduction, indicating your stance on the topic, which is a strong start to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your viewpoint effectively, reinforcing the argument against the positive aspects of technology in social contexts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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