IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more children are accessing the Internet unsupervised. This can sometimes put them at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children using the Internet? How can this problem be solved?

Nowadays, using the unsupervised
internet
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 has risen at unprecedented rates among
children
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. It is thought that it may lead to negative consequences. being exposed to harmful content and dropping out of school are the main factors that
parents
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 may face and several courses of action could be taken to tackle
this
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 problem. There are several reasons behind the negative effects of accessing unsupervised
internet
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 . The main one is watching inappropriate videos.
Children
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 know that they cannot recognise what is right or wrong ,
therefore
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, they may be affected easily by the things that they are exposed to on the
internet
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 daily. If they follow some YouTube channels or TikTok accounts which publish violent activities, it may cause them to commit a crime in the future. Another considerable issue is that losing their eagerness to study. When using gadgets, students tend to spend more and more time on
this
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 and on some occasions, they may drop out of school, which leads to ruin their future in terms of finding jobs and having a high income. Many steps could be taken to alleviate
this
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 situation. In the first place,
parents
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 can monitor their
children
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while
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 they use their phones or iPads. There are many apps that have been designed for
parents
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 to monitor their
children
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 which leads
parents
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 to draw
together with
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children
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's applications in order to be aware of their behaviour.
Consequently
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, they can prevent them from harmful content online . In conclusion,
parents
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 struggle with many problems that the
internet
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 has caused for their
children
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 as they may desire to go to school and be involved in some criminal activities,
however
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, certain steps could be taken to reduce the above.

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task achievement
Clarify your points more thoroughly and ensure they're fully developed. For example, you could elaborate on how the inappropriate content directly affects children's behavior.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of your ideas. Linking sentences and paragraphs with transition phrases can help with readability.
task achievement
Improve the specificity of your examples. While you mention YouTube and TikTok, providing specific instances of incidents involving children could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents some relevant issues about unsupervised internet use.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easier to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inappropriate content
  • cyberbullying
  • mental health
  • emotional and psychological damage
  • online predators
  • safety risks
  • excessive screen time
  • sleep deprivation
  • academic performance
  • social isolation
  • parental control software
  • digital literacy
  • screen time limits
  • open communication
  • monitoring online activities
What to do next:
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