IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks.

#cities #video #cameras #places #crime #people #measures #freedom #security
As the crime rate is rising. It is advised to have security
cameras
 in public
places
.
However
, some people feel insecure and uncomfortable around them. It appears to be a hurdle in one's privacy. In my view, the advantages of having
cameras
 are far more than the disadvantages. In
this
 essay, we will discuss why the benefits are more than the drawbacks. First of all,
video
 surveillance promotes a safe environment. With the fear of getting caught, criminals think twice before doing any wrong deeds.
Additionally
,
video
cameras
 act as valid and strongest proof in legal firms. It makes investigation easy and helps to find out who is guilty. Not only
this
 but
also
, one can easily monitor their properties or business by sitting far away. Having
cameras
 solves many problems,
for example
Add a comma
,
show examples
finding missing items, shoplifting and many more. In recent reports released by the provincial police of Ontario, 55%
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 crimes are reported after making it mandatory to have
cameras
 in public
places
.
Secondly
,
video
cameras
 come in handy for public
places
, which get a lot of traffic. We cannot deny the fact that being supervised all the time creates doubt. There are high chance that one can misuse the data.
However
, the advantage of the
video
 camera cannot be ignored. In conclusion, security
cameras
 should be mandatory in public
places
.
Furthermore
, confidentiality should be taken into consideration, ensuring no leakage of private data. I completely agree with the statement that the advantages are much higher than the disadvantages.
Submitted by dkaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and provides relevant examples, which is good. However, more specific details and examples could strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and that your ideas are logically developed.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the drawbacks in more detail to provide a more balanced view before concluding why the benefits outweigh them.
coherence cohesion
While you have a logical structure, revising the introduction to clearly state the opposing views before presenting your thesis might improve the coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which give a good structure to your writing.
task achievement
You used relevant examples such as the provincial police report to support your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance cameras
  • Public safety
  • Deterrent
  • Evidence collection
  • Apprehend perpetrators
  • Public spaces
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Civil liberties
  • Abuse of power
  • Misuse
  • Cost implications
  • Monitoring
  • Maintenance
  • Essential services
  • Justice system
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!