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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some
people
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 suggest that
music
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 has the power to bridge gaps between
people
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 from various cultures or generations. I firmly agree with the statement as
music
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 presents thoughts in an understandable way and connects
people
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 emotionally. First and foremost,
music
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 is a universal language that connects
people
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 from different cultural backgrounds. Notably, spoken languages usually contain complex grammar and vocabulary
that is
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 difficult for non-native speakers to understand.
In contrast
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,
music
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 is delivered through simple tempos, rhythms, and melodies, which can easily promote a sense of emotional connection without being hindered by language barriers.
For example
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, indigenous groups in Taiwan tend to use
music
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 to present their joy and gratitude for harvest seasons. Since languages between each tribe are different, eventually, their
songs
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 have become one of their ways of communication, forming cohesion among various tribes as they can celebrate the season together.
Additionally
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, because of the emotional nature of
music
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, it easily builds strong bonds across different generations.
Songs
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 always evoke mutual memories and feelings that are personal but related to the whole family. These
songs
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 can be passed down through generations without time limits, forming a strong connection without being influenced by personal preferences.
For example
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, it is common for
people
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 to have special
songs
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 that hold their childhood memories, no matter whether they are jazz or rock,even not their favourite types of
music
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.
However
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, every time these
songs
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 are played, they trigger their emotion and connect them with their parents or even grandparents. In conclusion, I strongly agree that
music
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 is a powerful tool to strengthen the connection among
people
Use synonyms
 from different cultural backgrounds and age groups as it is universal and can carry its emotion for decades.

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coherence and cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure and flow, introducing varied linking words and phrases can enhance coherence and help the reader follow your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
Consider elaborating further on your examples to provide more depth. This will help in making your main points even stronger and more persuasive.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and outlines your main arguments effectively.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and illustrate your points well, particularly the cultural example from Taiwan.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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