IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days people are post to leave their family and friends in order to obtain a good job do the advantage of this trend out weight the disadvantage

Presently, individuals
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to leave their close
once
Correct your spelling
ones
show examples
 in order to get a satisfying job. In my opinion,
prose
Add an article
the prose
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 friend
out weigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
show examples
the cones and
this
Linking Words
 will be explained in upcoming paragraphs with suitable examples. At
first,
Linking Words
going with the advantage of the drift one can state that in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary
Era
Add a comma
Era,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are more likely to find a
working
Replace the word
workplace
show examples
 place which adds to their personal and professional group.
For example
Linking Words
, on association of private sectors, clearly stated that the employees who
work
Use synonyms
 away from their families are more likely to concentrate on their
work
Use synonyms
 more efficiently,
additionally
Linking Words
, living away from family and friends
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them group personally as
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are forced to
work
Use synonyms
 out of their hometowns so that they gain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
financial stability for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 both for
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
themselves and their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals from remote areas often sick difficulty for a well stable job in their hometown which naturally
obligate
Correct subject-verb agreement
obligates
show examples
 demo moving to metro cities for a satisfying job.
For example
Linking Words
,
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
employer association
Correct your spelling
Employer Association
show examples
, Delhi, gave a statement that 70% of employees in developed cities belong to ruler areas and are getting good income facilities at their
working places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 away from their families and friends are more prone to feel
Home sickness
Correct your spelling
Homesickness
show examples
, isolation or maybe depression in
work
Use synonyms
 cases, plus they may miss some important
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
or events of their family gatherings. But
this
Linking Words
 isolation is often
bridge
Wrong verb form
bridged
show examples
 by technology like video call messaging platforms, which
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 are virtual connection with the close ones.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 working away from family and friends 10 to grow more both personally and professionally and
also
Linking Words
gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
financial stability for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, modern technology
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 provided facilities up to
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 extent to overcome the cones of
this
Linking Words
 drift among
people
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
The introduction could be clearer. Make sure to paraphrase the question and state your opinion more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure body paragraphs have clearer topic sentences and transitions to improve logical flow and structure.
Task Achievement
Refine the examples provided for relevance and clarity, ensuring they directly support your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on grammar and spelling errors for improved clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear perspective on the topic, discussing both advantages and disadvantages effectively.
Task Achievement
You have made good attempts to support your points with examples, which is positive for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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