IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, it is becoming mandatory to receive vaccines in order to prevent the spread of disease. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In recent years, it has been widely observed that many nations require their citizens to receive vaccines with the aim of stopping the spread of disease. From my point of view, I totally believe having these injections is mandatory to have more healthy communities but only with more years of medical studies in each material. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both the positive and negative aspects of
this
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 development. On the one hand, I insist that making
this
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 decision a law is a positive thing and it is a need more than a requirement. One clear point is that there are a majority number of people who tend to be scared of any chemical or new injections
thus
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 will result in many laying-out illnesses.
Therefore
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, making it a law, will make out
this
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 category of people have to take these medications.
On the other hand
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, there are a few drawbacks to
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 agreement if it is not followed by many tested policies.
For example
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, there are myriad other long-term and short-term diseases and they have multiple different treatments that can be opposite to these vaccines.
This
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 will cause many side effects if it is not taken into account which
also
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 may need years of testing.
To sum up
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, after analyzing both the benefits and negatives, it is not hard to say I fully agree with making
this
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 decision to become a mandatory law.
Hence
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,
this
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 is the way to have healthier communities but only by taking the time to make out many studies.

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Task Response
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance, but it could benefit from a more defined thesis statement that summarizes the main points you will discuss. Also, clarify your position on the need for more years of medical studies.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your paragraphs are organized, some of the points could be clearer and more logically connected. Ensure that each point directly supports your main argument and consider adding linking phrases to enhance the flow between sentences.
Task Response
Your essay touches on important points, but be more specific with your examples. For instance, you mention 'numerous long-term and short-term diseases' without detailing which ones or how they relate to vaccines.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and express it well in the introduction. Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position, reinforcing your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing demonstrates a good use of varied vocabulary, helping to keep the reader engaged.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ Ā»- a book that's free for šŸš€ Premium users.

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