IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Not enough people around the world choose to study science subject st university. What are tge reasons for this. What impact does the issue have on society. Give reasons for your answer and include any examples from your knowledge

A trend has been observed in a few individuals opting for
science
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 during their higher education in universities. In
this
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 essay, I shall be discussing the possible argument
as well as
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 the impact of
this
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 trend on society. To commence with, there are numerous possible
reasons
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 why not many
people
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 are opting
science
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 stream in colleges and universities. One of the main
reasons
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 can be a prolonged theoretical study. Before becoming a doctor or even a nurse one needs to complete graduation in the
science
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 stream which focuses majorly on theory to have a full detailed knowledge about how the human body system works only fewer
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
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 have the patience to read just theory and theory
due to
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 which a lot of individuals prefer other subjects over
science
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. Another possible reason can be the higher cost of
science
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 study. The enrollment of
science
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 students is way higher than other streams like mathematics and English at college and university levels and
due to
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this
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people
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 are restricted from opting for a medical field. As far as the concern of the impact of
this
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 trend on the society. It is actually not very pleasing as
due to
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 above mentioned and other possible
reasons
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 we are having a shortage of highly qualified doctors and nurses in society.
As a consequence
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,
people
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 are having delayed treatment and longer suffering.
To conclude
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, for a variety of possible
reasons
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people
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 are less interested in opting for the
science
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 field during their graduation and the impact of
this
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 is much worse as
people
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 are not treated on time
due to
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 less medical staff available.

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the stage for the essay, but you could be more specific about the reasons and impacts you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a clearer structure in your body paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single clear point related to your thesis.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on your examples and providing more specific details to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and reflections on the issue discussed.
task achievement
You have presented a relevant topic and provided a clear overview of reasons and impacts.
coherence and cohesion
Your vocabulary is appropriate, and you use a range of grammatical structures, which demonstrates your English proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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